


Messages Read

by wolfstarrynight (idk_XD)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (mentioned) - Freeform, Agender Character, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern Wizards, Angst, Asexual Character, Demisexual Character, Dysphoria, Epistolary, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Genderflux Character, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, LGBTQ Themes, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Character, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Texting, Trans Character, WIP, or i should say wixen, panromantic character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2018-12-26 10:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12057555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idk_XD/pseuds/wolfstarrynight
Summary: Remus mistakenly texts Sirius. Sirius is concerned. Sirius is ignored, then stops being ignored. Twice.[not abandoned, updated sporadically]





	1. Of Pronouns, Parents, and Penises (nO I MEANT PEONIES)

**Author's Note:**

> I'll add the tags as it goes along. Not beta'ed of brit picked, feel free to send any corrections my way. Some of the typos are intentional, you'll see later.  
> Not gonna lie, this fic is inspired by all the other text fics out there
> 
>  
> 
> _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [CLARIFICATION: This isn't a Muggle au, this is Remus and Sirius pretending to be muggles because they think to other person is a Muggle. Sirius and Remus didn't meet in Hogwarts as Remus was homeschool due to his Lycanthropy.]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk about their pronouns,  
> their parents,  
> and their penises (nO I MEANT PEONIES)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for references to past child abuse, mentioned minor character death, references to depression, low self-worth/self-esteem, and someone experiencing a panic attack.
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

_I’m so so sorry frank, you’re gonna have to help me get to the gosp_

_Hosp_

_My dad bailed_

_frank please_

_I_

_Thimkim gonna oasss out please_

_Pass_

_Oh god it hurts so bad_

_I don’t tink it hasd ever beenn this bad oh fuck_

_I_

_Hate this_

_I hate being me rn oh my istg I would honestly prefer being dead oh fhjfjd_

_fran?_

_Oh god ibcant bbreathe_

_frank please_

_Where are you?_

_*Missed call (6)*_

_Why aren’t you answering???_

_Oh_

_Shit_

_I’m so sorry_

_Can’t even memorise my best friedns number properly_

_I’m sorry_

**Um, yeah, wrong numer**

**No worries tho**

**Hospital?**

**Shite, are you okay?**

_Sorry, wronf number sorrt I’ll go away now_

**Hello?**

**Uh**

**Okay I don’t mean to pry, but (*proceeds to do exactly that*)**

**You sound like you’re in alot of pain, you okay?**

**Well, obviously not okay**

**But uh I know this is weird since we’re strangers and all,**

**Is there anything I can do to help?**

 

 

 

**Ookay, its been one and a half days, I guess you’re okay?**

**Or are you uh dead??**

**Please don’t be dead**

**???**

_Nope, not dead, fortunately_

_(Or unfortunately)_

_Um_

_Hi_

**Oh hi**

**Uhh is everything okay? You were gone for quite a while**

_Yeah, they didn’t let me have my phone at the hospital_

_Sorry again about accidentally messaging you, I couldn’t really think properly at that time_

**It’s no probs**

**Are you feeling better now, did you get the help you needed?**

**Is it okay to ask that?**

_Not completely better, but thanks for asking_

**glad to hear you’re okay**

**Pronouns?**

_Oh, um_

_Depends_

 

**On?**

_Whether you’re cissexist/ transphobic?_

**Oh!**

_Among other things_

**No, definitely not**

**That’s stupid**

_Oh?_

**Yeah, well it’s kinda stupid to hate a group of people that you’re in, isn’t it?**

_Oh_

_Thank god, I thought you were meant it the other way_

_He, at the moment, but it changes_

**What way did you think I meant it?**

**Genderfluid?**

_In a “that’s stupid that your pronouns depend on other things” kind of way_

_Um, kind of? Genderflux, actually_

**No, definitely didn't mean it that way**

**Ah alright, cool**

**Sorry**

_S’alright_

**Mine are they/them**

**Feel free to correct me if I get yours wrong, yeah?**

_Sure, thanks_

_And noted_

_You staying with your parents?_

**Sure you’re not a notorious mass murderer?**

_Hey!_

**Come on, asking if someone stays alone does sound like something a serial killer would do**

**Hang on, do you think there’s a difference between serial killers and mass murderers?**

_I think_

_Honestly?_

_I think_

**Is this where you tell me that you’re planning to kill me in my sleep?**

_Oh, hey, that sounds like a good idea!_

**Hey!**

_I'm kidding, I'm kidding_

_Tbh I think that’s an interesting conversation to have, but not right now, when my body is all achy and my brain isn’t the best place to be in_

_Im really sorry_

**That’s okay**

**Hope you feel better soon**

**You going to bed?**

_I should_

_Hey, if you’re not comfortable telling me about your home situation, it’s fine btw_

_I was just_

_Awkwardly trying to make conversation_

_Its okay if you don’t want to talk about it_

**Thank you**

**I**

**Yeah, thank you**

**Goodnight?**

_Goodnight_

 

 

 

**Morning**

_5 am??_

_What_

_How_

_Good afternoon btw_

**Oh, yeah**

**I didn’t get the best sleep**

_Awh, sorry to hear that_

**Eh it happens**

**What are you up to?**

_Just lying in bed_

_You?_

**Honest answer?**

_Sure_

**Trying to distract myself from going down certain thought spirals that lead nowhere good**

**Did that sentence even make sense?**

_Oh_

**Sorry, too dark?**

_Do you need help?_

_Distracting yourself?_

**Oh, uh sure**

_It’s okay if you’d rather not_

_You didn’t sound too enthusiastic_

**Wanted to say 'oh god YES PLEASE’ but didn’t want to seem too forward**

_Oh, please, feel free to be forward_

_I usually just assume that people don’t want me around??_

**Geez thats**

**I don’t not want you around**

**Please, feel free to distract me**

_Okay, now that ive been given the opportunity, I don’t actually know what to say or do_

**Tell me more about you?**

_Um, okay ?_

_What would you like to know?_

**ASL?**

_18 years old_

**No, I was kidding**

**But sure**

_S is debatable_

_Somewhere in Wales_

_You?_

**18 too**

_No, really?_

**Yeah, turning 19 this November**

_Oh, I’ve just turned 18 last march_

**Staying near London at the moment**

**Sponging off my best mate**

_Still staying with my parents_

**Hows that like?**

_Its_

_I don’t really know, I’ve been relying on them my entire life, and I kinda want to leave, but where would I go? And coupled with the fact that I rely on them for money, since I can’t hold down a job, the best option at the moment is to stay with them_

**Geez that sucks, may I ask why?**

_Why I want to leave, or why I cant hold a job?_

**Both, either**

_I want to leave because although my parents are relatively good parents and Im lucky to have them,_

_Sometimes it gets too much because of_

_I don’t know how much I can tell you_

**Any amount youre comfortable with**

_Okay, um_

_I have this medical condition, and there's no cure. And its kind of because of my dad that I got it, although I don’t blame him at all, but he does. He blames himself so much sometimes he can’t even look at me, and he throws himself into his work because of it. Like the other day, where I had to get my friend to help me get to the hospital because he told me he was busy with work stuff until night._

_I was in a lot of pain and I guess he didn’t want to see me like that. Frank saw him at our local pub soon after, at ard 6 pm._

**Oh gosh**

**I’m really sorry bout that**

_S’fine_

_My mum’s okay though, she’s great, and super supportive of me, even though there's stuff she doesn’t understand_

**That’s good, at least you have your mum**

_I have dad too, some of the time. We have a weird relationship_

_Oh, and the reason I can’t hold a job down is because of said medical condition_

**Is it okay if I don’t reciprocate by telling you about my family?**

**It’s just that**

**They**

**Aren’t the best**

**And I find it quite difficult to talk about them**

**Without my mind going places it shouldn’t**

_Sure, whatever you’re okay with sharing, I don’t mind_

**Tell me something else about you?**

_I’m pansexual?_

**Oh, cool**

_You?_

**demisexual/ gray-ace**

_Romantic attraction?_

**Depends how you define it?**

**I like guys and non-binary / androgynous people?**

**I guess im attracted to people of all genders, except women??**

_Oh_

_Female presenting or female bodied?_

**Both, either**

_Polyromantic? :_ “ _Polyromantic_ _: romantic attraction towards person(s) of more than one gender or sex but without implying, as biromantic does, that there are only two genders or sexes”_

**Yeah, that fits**

**Thanks**

_All the credits to google_

**You?**

**Your romantic attraction?**

_Panromantic, I think ??_

**That’s okay, you don’t have to define it if you’re unsure, or not comfy with that**

_Nah, its more like I haven’t had many opportunities to be in relationships, or figure out what I like_

_Its, there's a lot of things that I won’t be able to tell them, and I’m quite a lot to put up with_

**I’m sure that’s not true,**

**And that you won’t believe me if I tell you that**

_Spot on, my friend_

**Is it weird that we’re friends?**

**Are we friends??**

_Yeah, I think so, I wouldn’t be talking this much to a stranger. Do you consider us friends?_

**Yeah, definitely**

**Height?**

_5'10"_

**5’11"!**

**Slightly weirder and more random question: do you have a favourite flower?**

_Wow um_

_I kinda like how penises look?_

**Oh?**

_OH GOD NO I MEANT PEONIES OHMYGOD_

_NO_

**You like penises huh?**

**I have a penis *smirks*, you like me?**

_Noo oh god *dies of embarrassment*_

_How bout you?_

**I have no preference of penises**

**Don’t really like mine sometimes, but**

_nO I MEANT FLOWERS_

_favourite flower?_

**Yeah, I know,**

**You’re just really cute when you get flustered**

**I think its really specific, and obscure, but I like lupins**

_O_

**You there? You suddenly went offline**

**Like, the lupin flowers, apparently there are a lot of them in New Zealand**

**And they’re considered weeds over there but I just really like them, I think they’re beautiful**

 

 

_Oh, theyre flowers?_

_Oh um i_

_You mean the flower_

_Oh_

_okkay_

**Is it though?**

_?_

**Is it okay?**

**You sound like**

_No, its okay, im okay, I thought you meant something else_

**What could I possibly have meant that made you react that way??**

**OH NO IS IT SOME INNUENDO I DON’T KNOW ABOUT**

_Um, I’ll tell you some day, promise_

_Not an innuendo_

**Ookay… ?**

_Moving swiftly along,_

_Any best friends, significant others?_

**2 best friends, one super close friend, no SO**

**You?**

_1 best friend_

_The one I meant to text instead of texting you that day_

_And no SO either_

**Tell me about them?**

**Your friend, not your non-existent SO**

_Hah hah_

_He’s great_

_We were childhood friends but he left to go away to a boarding school_

_And we just recently sort of rekindled our friendship when he came back after graduation_

**Aww that’s nice**

**Are you two the same age?**

_Yeah_

**He graduated at 17 ?**

****

_yeah_

 

**Are you there?**

_Yeah, sorry, was texting my friend about somenthinf_

**No probs**

_Yeah_

**So**

**Are we gonna just**

**Not do names or ??**

_Oh!_

_Oh well, because nothing bad can possibly come of this,_

_I’m Remus_

***Looks up all the Remuses on the internet and stalks them all***

_Awh damn, I should have guessed_

**Sirius**

_The star?_

**Y e s**

**Ohmygod thank god I’m talking to a person who doesn’t say “serious???” the first time I tell them my name**

_Yeah_

_And thank gods  you’re not the kind of person who says “do you have a brother named Romulus?”_

**We’ll get on great then**

_I hope so too_

_Will_

_Nvm nothing_

**What were you gonna say?**

_Not really important but_

_Uh_

_Will we be the kind of friends that tell each other everything then just drift apart?_

**I hope not ??**

_Me too_

_But that’s kinda been my experience, apart from Frank, and even then, he left for several years (I’m not blaming him or anything, just facts). There’s been so many people that have known me so well but now we’re almost strangers. And you seem like a really great person, and I want to continue being friends_

_But I’m afraid that in the long run, you’ll get tired of me. And I’m alot to put up with. I’m not even telling you everything yet there’s still stuff that I can’t tell you and that takes a toll on friendships, from exp_

_Fuck, why did I think making a new friend woulf be a good idea_

_Okay I’m slrry to unload all this on you_

_I’ll just go now_

**No, please don’t**

**I’m just trying to think of something to say that’s empathetic yet not patronising?**

**And hey, it’s completely okay that there’s stuff you don’t want to share**

**I completely understand**

**I**

**There’s stuff that I don’t think I’d be comfortable sharing yet so soon**

***Soon**

_Okay, that’s okay_

**Just**

**I have a request**

**Um**

**Dont pull away without telling me, yeah?**

**I, uh, don’t deal well with being ignored**

**It brings up stuff I don’t want to remember**

_Okay_

**That’s not to say you can’t leave our conversation at any time, i just mean**

_I’ll tell you, before I go, if I need to?_

**Yes please thank you**

**You don’t even have to explain why, just tell me that you are**

_Okay, j can do that_

_I_

**You?**

_?_

_Oh, that was a typo_

_That was me correcting the typo_

_Omg I’m such a mess_

**Maybe we’re all messes in our own messy ways**

_Yeah_

_Hey, uh_

_Can I ask_

**Yeah?**

_Do you want to talk about what you needed to be distracted from, earlier?_

_Or_

_Oh shit sorry you were trying to forget it and I just brought it up_

_Im sso sorry_

**It’s ojay**

**I don’t think I can forget, honestly**

**And part of me doesn’t want to**

**I um**

**Okay**

**Today is someone I used to know's birthday**

**(Gramatically incorrect sentence, I know, shush)**

**And ttheyre dead now**

**And**

**I kinda think it was my fault**

**I know it isn’t**

**Hell, 6 months of therapy was supposed to get me to stop thinking his suicide as my fault and now I’m back here oh shit I**

**I can’t**

**I really don’t want to talk about this,**

_Oh my gosh, I’m really sorryy_

_I’mso sorry I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories_

_I’m really sorry_

_Sirius?_

_You there?_

**Yeah, sorry**

_Im so sorry_

**It’s fine**

**Can we not talk about it? It just it leaves me really**

**Not in a good state**

_It’s okay_

_It’s completely okay_

_There’s no judgement or blame whatsoever on my part_

_I’m really sorry_

_I ddidnt mean to upset you_

**It’s okay**

**Soo are you currently studying, or?**

_I’m in uni_

**Oh, what are you taking?**

_Psychology with English_

_Part-time_

_Because of uh health stuff, I keep missing classes_

_You?_

**I’m taking a gap year while I get myself sorted**

_Oh gosh we’re both a mess, aren’t we_

**Two messes are better than one ;)**

_Oh_

_Why am I flustered ????_

**Aw cute**

**Hey, can I ask a possibly insensitive question?**

_You can, but I can’t guarantee I’ll answer with compete honesty_

**You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to**

_Oh_

**Oh wow we sent it at the same time**

_Yeah?_

_The question is...?_

**Oh, yeah**

**You mentioned hospital the other day?**

**Um may I ask**

**It sounds like I’m just prying for info, I’m really not**

**I promise**

_I believe you_

**I’m just really concerned**

_Yeah_

_This time round was pretty bad_

_Uh_

_I guess it’s a combination of menstrual cramps and back pain, and it was exceptionally bad because my HRT stopped working?? Because of the condition that I have, I kinda become immune to external substances?_

_So yeah_

_And my period coincided with a less-good time of the medical condition I have, so just the combination of both things_

**Geez that sucks, I’m so sorry**

**If there anything I can do to help, don’t hesitate, yeah?**

_Sure_

_I wouldn’t want to burden you though_

_Oh_

**What?**

_Oh_

_Oh god I’ve burdened you so much already_

_How have inot realised this before_

**No, it’s okay I was just concerned**

**Its no burden, really**

_I shouldn’t havefriends_

**Hey, what**

**Where is this coming from?**

_I dont deserveyourconcern_

**What no,**

**Remus, what’s going on?**

**I don’t know you all that well yet but from what ive known about you, you seem like a really great person and I don’t think there's anything that could mean you’re a burden or shouldn’t have friends**

**Remus?**

_I’m_

_Uhh_

_I cantbreathe_

**Remus?**

_mhavign a pani c attack oh fuckkjj_

_please i’m sory_

**Remus, hey, breathe?**

**Um what do I do**

**What can I do to help?**

_Nothing, its okkay imfine_

**No, youre not, please let me help?**

_i’m such a burden i’m sorru_

_i just ruined your day_

_and i i couldn’t stop thinking how i just ruin things and make life dificult for people and i_

_i don’t deserve you in my life_

_you don’t need me and all my shit in your life_

_i just complicate things and i’m sorty_

**No, Remus thats not true**

**Tell me what I can do**

_you didn’t do anything wrong i promise_

_i’m being so selfish_

_i’ll justend up hurting you_

_im sorry_

**Remus**

_I’ll go_

_I’msorry_

**No please dont**

**Remus?**

✔ Message read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!
> 
> Tbh I wrote this in 2 days, and posted it as soon as possible, before I lose my courage.  
> Comment down below if you'd like me to continue this! (And also so I know if anyone's actually reading this)
> 
> [EDIT: I say "female-bodied" with all the quotation marks in the world, bc wth does that even mean]


	2. Of Reconciling, Rules, and #REMIUS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a reconciliation  
> There are rules set  
> And there is a #REMIUS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentioned minor character death, implied (avoided) unhealthy coping mechanisms, and terrible flirting. Shorter chapter with less drama, this time 'round
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

**Remus?**

**Okay look, I’m not going to beg,**

**But I need you to know these things:**

  1. **I don’t know you long enough, but I’d like to, if you’d let me**
  2. **you really helped me last week, when I was feeling like shit about reg, and you distracted me enough to take my mind off all the stuff. And you couldn’t have known this but I was really really tempted to do stuff I shouldn’t and you helped, so thank you for that**
  3. **I don’t know what kind of burden you think you are, but I promise you, you haven’t burdened me or affected my life in a negative way so far, and I don’t think you could ever intentionally do so**
  4. **I honestly don’t mind that there are things you can’t tell me, I’ve got stuff I can’t tell you either, so it’s cool**
  5. **I really like talking to you, can we just put all that behind us, and**



**I don’t know**

✔ Message read

 

_Typing…_

 

 

_Typing…_

_Ok_

**Okay?**

**Really?**

_Yes_

_I’m sorry_

**No, please don’t be**

_I think I overreacted_

_I panicked, and I just, I wanted to leave then come back, but I didn’t know how to and I assumed I screwed up big time and you wouldn’t want to talk anymore_

_Sorry_

**No, no more sorrys**

_Was gonna apologise for that, oops_

**Okay, let's**

**Rule #1: we don’t apologise for things that aren’t our fault, or things that we’ve already apologised for**

_Okay_

_Rule #2: we can always come back when we leave?_

_Is it an always?_

_I don’t want to assume_

**Yeah**

**Okay, I can’t think of #3 but**

**We add them as we go along?**

_Sure_

_Um_

_How’s your week been?_

_Wait, can I ask, you mentioned reg earlier, who’s reg?_

**Oh, my brother**

**My week’s been okay**

**Been busy at work**

_Where’s work?_

**I’m a mechanic at our local mechanics shop (?)**

_You’re unsure about that??_

**I don’t really know what it’s called, it’s the place that fixes cars and motorbikes**

**I mainly specialise in doing bikes**

**I have a hidden talent for fixing stuff, I didn’t even know I could**

_Ooh, that’s cool_

_Have you worked there long?_

**Not really, I’ve been there a few weeks**

_Do you own a bike?_

**Yeah! I made one !!**

**Im so excitedddd**

_!!!!!_

_I’m talking to a person who builds their own bikes !!!_

_Oh my_

**I’m a person who built their own bike !!!**

**I didn’t think I could, tbh**

_You did!_

_Is it weird that I’m vaguely proud of you?_

**AWW Remus <3**

_*blushes furiously*_

**Why blush furiously when you can blush**

**Uh**

**What’s that word for non-furious??**

_Calm? Not angry?_

✔ Message read

 

**Typing…**

**Hey, can I ask you something?**

**Do you think I’m flirting??**

_Um_

**Bc Prongs saw my phone and accused me of flirting**

**With you**

_Did you mean to be flirty?_

_Because honestly, I felt flirted-at_

_I didn't mind, but i_ _t’s okay if you didn’t mean to_

 

**I**

**Don’t know**

_Rule #3: it’s okay not to know things_

_?_

**Yes**

**Thank you**

**Pronouns?**

**Prongs is asking me about you and wILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL I TELL HIM STUFF**

**Soz, those caps were for his benefit, since he’s READING OVER MY SHOULDER DON’T PRETEND I CAN’T SEE YOU PRONGS**

_Ze/zir_

_What is a prongs???_

**HAHAHAH**

**It’s a nickname, for James, my best mate**

_Ohh_

**Stupid name, isn’t it?**

**He came up withohdfui ad**

**HI REMUS**

**THIS IS JAMES**

**HOW DO I MAKE THE WORDS SMALL**

**Oh okay**

**My nickname isn’t that stupid, trust me**

**Wait until you hear Sirius’**

**It’s padfhfa dda**

**I GOT MY PHONE BACK**

_This_

_Is so entertaining_

_I’m so amused_

_“padfhfa dda”?_

**Thanks, this guy held my phone captive over the bath tub**

**So if I grabbed it, it’ll fall in**

_I’m glad it didn’t_

**Aww**

**Hey, we never really talked about mass murderers vs serial killers**

_Sorry, I was in class, texting under the table_

_Mass murderer sounds less calculated than serial killers, for some reason??_

**How do you mean?**

_Like, mass murderer sounds like someone happened to murder a lot of people at one time? But serial killer sounds more towards deliberately killing one or a few people at a time, but doing it repeatedly?_

**That makes sense??**

**Aw yas, according to google: “Mass murderers differ from spree killers, who kill at two or more locations with almost no time break between murders and are not defined by the number of victims, and serial killers, who may kill people over long periods of time.”**

_Whoo_

_Would you rather be a mass murderer or a serial killer?_

**Wow Remus**

**Neither??**

_If you had to_

**I think, mass murderer?? It sounds like it could be accidental, and not deliberately killing people over long periods of time**

_Yeah, same_

_I'd rather not kill people though_

**Are you still in class?**

_Nope, walking home now_

_Did you have work today?_

**Nope, just lazing around with Prongs**

**There's this girl he’s been trying his whole life to impress**

**And she finally agreed to go out with him tonight**

**So he’s freaking out**

 

**Istg, these two have been pining for each other for AGES**

**Our school even had a ship name for them**

_Aww_

_That’s sweet, what’s the ship name?_

**#jily all the way**

_Awh, and Frank’s like that too, he only recently got with the girl he’d been pining for, after SO MANY years_

**Is it weird?**

**Do you get this feeling of being left behind?**

**Like both our best mates are getting their peoples and we’re here like**

_A little, but I’m happy for him though_

**Yeah, obv**

**I’m so happy for james, the number of years I had to endure a “LOOK SIRIUS SHE LOOKED AT ME, WE’RE FATED”**

**“SHE TALKED TO ME SIRIUS, I CAN SEE OUR WEDDING DAY HAPPENING ALREADY”**

_HAHA aww_

**ITS NOT HAHA IF YOU ENDURE IT FOR SIX YEARS**

**SIX**

**Well, technically 5 years, since he stopped acting like a complete and utter prat, in year 7 and managed to win her over**

_I’m genuinely laughing so much right now_

_But yes, I feel you_

**Feel me where? ;)**

_How can you say you don’t know if you’re flirting?_

_That’s straight up flirting, Sirius_

 

**What?**

_Photo: [screenshot_100917_2.jpg]_

**I didn’t send anything**

**I was in the toilet**

**I left my phone here**

**Oh**

**PRONGS**

_Oh, it was him then_

**He thinks we’d be good together**

**He’s been trying to set me up for ages**

**I don’t know whyhefhs**

**#REMIUS4LYFE**

_I’m assuming that’s James as well?_

**Yeah**

**Sorry**

**He could have come up with a better ship name, at least**

_Too late, that sticks now, #remius_

**It just looks like your name, but with an i**

_Yeah_

**Maybe we’re fated**

**#REMIUS**

**Has the ship sailed yet?**

_Let me tell you, my heart isn’t easily won_

**Hypothetically, how would one go about winning that (playing)-hard-to-get heart of yours?**

_If you must know, I’m blushing really hard right now_

**Here I am, thinking maybe I could send you a bunch of your fav flowers**

_No_

**Penises**

_No IT WAS AN HONEST TYPO_

_This is it, the ship has sunk_

**:((**

_Aww, are you pouting in real life?_

**…**

**Maybe**

_AWW CUTE_

_Okay, the ship is no longer sinking_

_But_

_Rule #4: no mentioning of peonies anymore_

**Are you sure you didn’t mean to say**

_No, I’m sure, I triple checked before sending_

**Aw *pouts***

_Hey! You can’t use my weak spot for pouts to your benefit_

***pouts even more***

_Nope_

_Anyway, I should be getting to sleep_

**Aw, okay sleep well**

**Wait**

**What do you look like?**

_I look like someone who is ready to be asleep_

_Nice try at sexting though_

**No**

**I really wasn’t, I promise**

_I believe you_

**I just wanted to know what you look like, so I can put a face to the texts I’m reading**

_Good night, Sirius_

**Hey!**

***pouts***

_;)_

**Sleep well**

✔ Message read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your opinions feed my soul, comment them so my soul doesn't get hungry


	3. Of Cereal, Bad Days, and the First Skype Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of light hurt/comfort. Or maybe not so light?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for dysphoria, mention of transphobia, mentions of self-loathing, and references to depression.  
> Let me know if there's anything else!
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

_Morning_

**Morning**

**Cereal?**

_Sorry, what?_

**Pick a type of cereal**

**For me to have for breakfast**

**I usually have what the other person is having, but there’s no one at home**

**Since Jamie went to work early**

_What do you have?_

**[camera_140917_5.jpg]**

_Wow_

_That’s a lot of cereal_

**Yeah, James and Pete like trying new cereals**

**But they don’t ever finish them, so that falls on yours truly’s shoulders**

**Pete even brings over his unwanted still-three-quarters-full cereal boxes**

**#friendshipgoals**

_Am I really talking to someone who uses hashtags as a valid response to someone texting?_

**#yes**

_Who’s Pete?_

**That’s Peter, we’re best mates from school**

**I can’t believe I didn’t mention him before**

_Yeah_

_The second box from the right_

**?**

_Cereal_

**Oh, right**

**Fruit loops!**

_Is that a genuinely excited exclamation mark or a sarcastic one?_

**Milk, yoghurt or honey?**

_Milk_

**Do you not like fruit loops?**

_No ??_

_Who likes fruit loops anymore??_

_Name one person our age who still likes fruit loops_

**Me**

_That doesn’t count_

**Ouch Remus, are you saying I don’t count, how dare you**

**My heart has been broken**

_You have a biased opinion on fruit loops_

**Why don’t you like them?**

_They’re just sugar! And flour!_

_And other stuff that goes into making fake sugary foods that pretend to be real food!_

**Eh, what ever**

_Brilliant counter argument_

**This isn’t even an argument, it’s just you being wrong**

**I really like the red ones for some reason**

_You know they all taste the same, right?_

**Shhh let me live in my delusion**

_Would you rather know something good or not know something bad?_

**If I know the good thing, does that mean I know the bad thing too?**

_That was not a very well thought out question_

_Um_

_Would you rather know something bad, and still know the good thing, or be told neither?_

_Or only told the good, but not the bad?_

**The first one**

**Bc then I’ll know both, and I’ll still know the good thing**

**And also, good and bad are subjective, aren’t they**

_Yeah_

_Play would you rather with me_

_If you’re free, I mean_

_I’m on the bus otw to class, and I need to think about something other than all the people pressing in and around on me ohmygod ergh send help_

**I thought you walked home yesterday?**

_Yeah, but I overslept_

_Accidentally on purpose_

_Kind of_

**How do you accidentally oversleep on purpose?**

_My alarm went off and I turned it off_

_Then I got up, sat in bed, and thought “nah, I’m gonna sleep a while more”_

_So I went back to sleep_

_Accidentally but also intentionally_

**Oh my gosh you’re ridiculous**

_Thanks?_

**In the best possible way**

_Thanks_

**Would you rather apples or oranges?**

_*Prefer_

**Really**

_Yes_

_Oranges_

_They have more taste_

**Agree to disagree, but okay**

**Ritz or oreos?**

_Oreos_

**Chocolate or ice-cream?**

_Both??_

_How can you have one but not the other?_

**Spring or summer?**

_Spring_

**Cats or dogs?**

_Dogs_

**Okay good**

_You have any dogs?_

**Occasionally-ish**

_??_

**I’ll tell you someday**

_Okay.._

**Moon or stars?**

_Stars, definitely_

**Cheeky Remus ;)**

_Oh god, no I just don’t like the moon_

_It wasn’t bad flirting, I swear_

**Why don’t you like the moon?**

_Reasons_

_It’s mutual, trust me_

**How can it mutual??**

_More Reasons_

**Motorbikes or cars?**

_Cars, so much safer_

**Pizza or pasta?**

_Both_

**If you had to choose**

_If I had to choose, I’d choose both_

**Cupcakes or muffins?**

_Muffins_

**Gold or silver?**

_I’m kinda allergic to silver_

_So gold_

**Okay, I can’t think of any more**

_Good timing, I’m getting off at the next stop_

_What are your answers to those?_

**Apples**

**Oreos**

**Ice cream**

**Summer**

**Dogs**

**Stars**

**Motorbikes!**

**Pasta**

**Cupcakes**

**Gold**

**I’m at work, so if I don’t reply, that’s why**

**I’m done with work**

**You’re not done w classes??**

**It’s already night, should I be worried?**

**I hope you’re okay**

**You can text me if there’s anything**

****

_distract me_

_fries or potato wwedges?_

_red or green?_

_monochrome or colourful?_

**Jacket potatoes**

**I’ve never really tried fries before**

**And I didn’t like wedges**

**Red**

**Colourful**

_favourite book?_

**Sherlock Holmes**

_favourite film?_

**As in movies? DVDs?**

**I don’t watch many of those**

**What’s your fav?**

_it changes, but interstellar really blew my mind_

**I’ll have to watch that someday**

_watch it with me_

**Now?**

_are you free?_

**Yeah, but I don’t know how to get it??**

_do you have a laptop?_

**I can borrow Pete’s**

**He has one for work**

_is he there now?_

**Yeah**

_do_

_nvm_

**What were you gonna say?**

_Typing…_

_do you want to go spend time with him instead?_

**He’s cooking**

**Why do you ask?**

_idk, he’s your friend_

**You’re my friend too**

_ok_

_find me on skype, @moony1003_

_i can share the screen_

**Moony?**

_yeah, shush it was a childhood nickname_

**Oo saucy ;)**

**But also, aww cute**

_nO, not moony like in that way_

_like the moon_

**I thought you and the moon mutually disliked one another?**

_yes_

_i’ll call you on skype?_

**Okay, I don’t really know how these things work tho**

_just press “audio call” when answering_

_do you mind if I don’t say anything out loud?_

**Sure**

**“Where’s the button? Is this working?”**

_Oh_

_Omg your voice_

**“Oh, you can hear me, hi”**

_yeah, I can_

_hi_

_shall we?_

_“_ **Oh! Movie!”**

_mhm, give me a minute to set it up_

**“Hey Pete, I borrowed your laptop computer thingy!”**

“What for? Oh, you’re on skype?? With whom? Pads are you blushing??”

**“Shh go away, aren’t you supposed to be cooking?”**

“Aww, are you talking to your BF?”

“Hi Remus, by the way, I’m Peter”

_Hi Peter. Nope, not Siruis’ BF_

 “Oh! Sorry, datefriend?”

“Boydatefr-?”

**“Neither! We’re not dating!”**

“Yeah, yeah sure- oh wait. Pads. Do you smell smoke?”

**“…”**

“Oh fuck I left the fire on”

**“Pete! Well, he’s ran out of the room”**

“CRISIS AVERTED!”

**“DON’T SHOUT AT ME FROM THE OTHER ROOM!”**

“YOU’RE SHOUTING BACK!”

**“I’M NOT SHOUTING B- oh”**

**“Remus is that you, laughing?”**

**“Why are you laughing??”**

_“haha-ohmy-ha”_

_You guys are precious_

_You’re precious_

**“Aww, Remus!!”**

_“…”_

**“Oh, you’ve started the movie! Should I get snacks?”**

_yeah, I can wait_

**“Okay I’m back, let’s go”**

_going_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“Wait what. No. How is that possible? Is that possible?? Surely they can just…”**

_“Shh, watch”_

**“Remus?”**

_“Mm?”_

**“Say something?”**

_“I’m giving up on you”_

**“What?”**

_“Have you not heard that song??”_

**“Nope. I really like your voice BTW”**

_“Did you really say the words B T W, rather than say by the way?”_

_Ohmygod whyamifallingforyou_

_“SHIT I didn’t mean to send that”_

**“I’ll pretend I don’t see it?”**

_“Thanks. Shh, watch.”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“Wow”**

_“I know right”_

**“That. Was. Amazing”**

_“Sirius?”_

**“Yeah?”**

_“Thank you”_

**“What for?”**

_“You made my shitty day less shitty”_

**“Why thank you, I’m glad to be of service. Do you wanna talk about it?”**

_“Mm it’s okay”_

**“Okay”**

“Sirius! Set the table!”

**“I’ll talk to you later?”**

_“Okay”_

**Are you there?**

_Yeah_

**Typing…**

**Typing…**

_Yes?_

**I want to ask if you’re okay, but I feel like you’ll just**

**Not really lie, but not be completely honest??**

_I’m okay_

_Really_

_I’m okay now_

_I wasn’t earlier, I was just_

_Sorry, you don’t need to hear this_

**I don’t mind**

_I just, didn’t have the best day_

_It’s just, small tiny little things that shouldn’t matter, and don’t matter on normal days, but because they all happened in the same day it just felt too much,_

_I woke up feeling pretty tired, and I just felt all wrong, you know?_

_And I think I slept wrongly or something, but I woke up with my shoulder really hurting. And I thought I could relax a little while walking to class, but as you know, I had to take the bus_

_And public transport_

_Is ew_

**YES, IKR**

_Yeeah, and also, because of my shoulder, I couldn’t put on my binder. So I just felt super uncomfortable and exposed while surrounded by all the people_

_Peak hour public transport, man_

**Yeah**

**Not my favourite mode of transportation either**

_What’s your favourite?_

**Broom**

_Hah sure_

_And also_

_Yeah_

**Aw, damn, is there more?**

_To my shitty day?_

_Yeah_

**I don’t mind listening, if you don’t mind sharing**

_And I was already feeling pretty dysphoric already, and was hoping to just sit quietly in lectures and tutorials but nooooo there's a class debate in one of the tutorials!!!!_

_With girls in one group! and guys in another!!!! Yay! Great! Exactly what I needed on a ze/zir day!_

_“No :) Ms. :) Lupin :), you :) can’t :) join :) the :) guys’ :) group”_

_And I was like asdfgsdufk I just wanna go home and take a bath and sleep_

**Oh dammnn now I'm angry**

**Wait**

**Your name is lupin**

**Remus Lupin**

**OH**

**No wonder you reacted like that when I said I liked lupin flowers!**

_Yeah, I panicked, I thought you knew my name somehow_

**THIS IS A SIGN, WE’RE FATED #REMIUS4LYFE**

**Did you get that bath you wanted?**

_Oh, yeah_

_No_

_I_

_Ended up just lying in bed and hating myself and didn’t have the energy or will to do anything_

_Which is why I wasn’t replying to your texts, I'm sorry_

**I**

**Wish I could give you a hug rn**

_I would appreciate one right now_

_But texting you helped, and the movie-ing with you_

**Movie-ing**

**Is that a real**

**That’s not real**

**I’m glad you texted**

**Thank you for**

**I don’t know, trusting me?**

_Yeah_

**You should go take that bath you wanted**

**Pamper yourself, use those bath bomb things, or bubbles bars (??), you know?**

_Yeah?_

**Yeah**

_I’ll say goodnight now, in case I don’t get the chance to later_

**Goodnight <3**

_Typing…_

_Typing…_

_< 3_

**For when you come back:**

**I’m so sorry you had a shit day, I hope you know that you are real and you are valid, and you are an amazing human person, and you deserve all the good things, and that’s not just because I say it, it’s just true**

**And I’ve used too many ands in one sentence**

**Sleep well <3**

_Thank you, Sirius_

_< 3_

✔ Message read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make the part of my brain that insists this is crap shut up for a while. Indulge me.


	4. Of Nicknames, Gestalt Principles, and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter today, with fluff, angst, and hurt/comfort. In that order.  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for PTSD nightmares, past child abuse, homophobia, past sibling death, guilt, self-blame, self-harming tendencies (but no actual self harm)
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

**Morning**

_Morning_

**Cereal?**

_Cocoa pops_

_If that's how you spell it_

**With milk?**

_Yes_

**And sugar**

_No?? No sugar, it's already chocolate sugared ovals that pretend to be rice_

**Any particular reason for the choice today?**

_Okay, finee_

_Because I'm eating chocolate_

**Aww**

**We're eating breakfast together**

**Chocolate for breakfast???**

**“No sugar, it's already chocolate sugared ovals that pretend to be rice” said the one eating chocolate for breakfast!**

_Yes_

_Because why not_

_I already had pancakes_

**Ooh nice**

_Would you rather pancakes or waffles?_

***prefer**

_Damn_

_Okay, either or: pancakes or waffles?_

**Depends**

_On?_

**The time of day**

**Pancakes in the morning, waffles in afternoon/evening**

**Maple syrup or honey?**

_Honey_

**Same**

**Are would you rathers/prefers an us thing now?**

_Yes_

_We can call it would you prefers, so it'll be unique_

**But then again, is anything ever unique**

_True_

_Being unique is a normal thing now_

_I remember all I ever wanted was to be normal and happy, when I was a kid_

**And now?**

**Also, true, and same I relate**

_Now I don't know if happiness is what I'm looking for. I just want to feel content_ , _or safe, or just okay in my own skin. And if I happen to be happy then that's a nice bonus_

_But that's not the end goal, you know?_

**That's**

**Depressing**

**Yet slightly comforting, for some reason**

_Me in a nutshell_

**Mm**

**I guess??**

_:o_

_How dare you_

_Suggest that I'm not comforting!!!_

**No, I meant, I don’t think you’re depressing**

_Hah, well at least one of us does_

_I *am* “actually” depressed you know_

**Just because something can be used to describe you, doesn’t mean that is what you are**

_I know, I'm not saying that my depression is the only thing that I am, either_

_I’m other things too_

**“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts”**

_Omg Gestalt Principles_

_You nerd_

**Hey! :((**

_Cute_

**You’re the nerd, you know exactly what I was talking about the moment I said it**

_I’m a psych student! All psych students know Gestalt!!_

**But really Remus, I don’t think you’re depressing, I think you’re great to talk to**

**And I keep smiling and blushing at my phone strangers look at me**

_Aww_

_Thank you_

_I’ll be in classes soon, ttyl_

**Sorry! I was getting ready for work**

**Maybe I should get a new job, this one is getting tedious**

**Do you think I should apply to uni???**

**I don’t even know if I *need* a uni degree**

**I wonder if you turn off your phone in class, or just leave it on silent**

**Does it vibrate?**

_Asdhfjsja I had a pop quiz. And my phone was vibrating!!_

_Sirius!_

**Omg I’m so sorry**

**Are you angry for real?**

_Haha nope_

**How did you do on the pop quiz?**

_I got 23/25!!_

**Congrats!**

_Thank you!_

**Too many exclamation marks!**

**Is this a normal thing? You scoring well?**

_Kindaaa_

_Logically, I know 23/25 is a good mark, yet some part of me still thinks I could do better_

_Like maybe I could have gotten that 2 marks_

_But I think overall, I did okay_

**I think you did great, if that matters**

_Thank you_

_Your opinion matters_

_You matter_

_Sirius?_

_Shit, should I not have said that_

**Shh wait**

**Just**

**Let me keep looking at that**

**Thank you, Remus**

_< 3_

_You were thinking about uni?_

_New job?_

**Yeah**

**I actually only took the bike repair job because I didn’t want to rely on James so much**

**And it was convenient, and I need to concentrate while fixing the bikes so it helped with my mental health and stuff after James and I moved into our own flat**

**But now I don’t really know if I still want to do that job**

_When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up?_

**Not dead**

**Not beaten to a pulp by my “parents”**

_Oh_

_Shit, I’m so sorry_

**No probs**

**Was that too much?**

**Did it make you uncomfortable?**

_No_

_It made me fcking angry at your parents and the universe because you deserve so much more than that_

**< 3**

**Do we use hearts too much?**

_Does it matter, if neither of us minds?_

**True**

**I think I went to a career counselling session once and I wanted to become an A**

**A law enforcement kind of guy**

_Ooh that’s cool_

_Officer Sirius_

**What did you wanna be?**

_I wanted to not be a we_

_Woman_

**Which you’ve succeeded (?)**

_And not have the condition that I have_

_More or less_

_And I also wanted to be a teacher at this school I was supposed to go to_

_But if they couldn’t accept me as a student, why would they accept me as a full-time teacher?_

**Mm, Professor Lupin**

**But that sucks that you couldn’t go because of something you can’t control**

_Yeah_

_Well_

**Which school was it?**

_This school that my dad and grand parents also went to_

_Oh, and Frank too_

_The teach like mostly skills but theory too and_

_Yeah_

_Really wanted to go_

**Yeah**

_Hi_

**Hi**

**Moony,**

**Can I call you moony, btw?**

_Yeah_

**Moony, are we okay?**

_Yes_

_What’s your nickname?_

_The one you didn’t want him to say?_

**Padfoot**

**But it’s not what you think**

**There are no stories involving me stepping on pads**

**Remus?**

_Sorry, it’s late, I fell asleep_

**Goodnight?**

_Gn_

**Rrems**

**Remus**

**Arebyiu awake by any chanc e**

**Are  you awa ke by anychance**

_Yes hi_

_I went to pee_

_What’s wrong?_

**Nightmare**

**Tried calling James**

**He’son nightshift**

_How can I help?_

**Idk**

**I’m sorry**

**Shouldn’t hav ewoken you up**

_I was already awake_

_Would it help if I called?_

**Yes**

_“Hi”_

**“Mm”**

_“Do you want to talk about it?”_

**“Nno, I c-cant”**

_“Should I talk, or stay quiet?”_

**“Talk. Might not respond though”**

_“That’s okay. Mm okay. What should I talk about? Um...”_

**“You”**

_“Talk about me? Okay. Hmm... Ooh! Today we learnt about circadian rhythms, which are essentially your body clock, your body’s way of telling time, that sort of thing. And apparently if all external time cues are removed, there are still circadian rhythms in your body, it just runs a little longer, it runs for 24.2 hours. And I think that’s really cool_

_Like I’ve always wondered how people told time before clocks existed, and who decided one day has 24 hours, an hour has 60 minutes and all. So I was thinking, what if one day is actually 24.2 hours, instead of 24 hours? Since that’s our body’s automatic default? I dunno, I thought it was interesting”_

**“Mhm”**

_“is this helping?”_

**“Mhm yes”**

_“I’ve been thinking, I don’t know what I want to do once I actually get my psych degree, if I do, I know I said I wanted to be a teacher, but that’s another few more years of training, and I’ve accepted that I can’t teach at H- ahem, uh the school I want to, and honestly speaking, teaching at local schools aren’t all that appealing. So, I think I’ll end up being a counsellor, or therapist, psychologist, that kind of thing. Which is weird, since I don’t really like interacting with people, and I dunno. Sirius, you there?”_

**“Don’t, triggers”**

_“Hm?”_

**“Don’t call me s-sirius, not now. Padfoot’s better”**

_“Okay, sorry.”_

**“S’okay, is not your fault. Just. Regs was saying my name. In the dream, nightmare. Sometimes I don’t mind the nightmares and flashbacks, cause that’s the only time I see him. He’s the only one of that family I actually loved. Well, apart from my cousin Andi, Andromeda. … She was the one who told me Reg died. No one else bothered to”**

_“M-geez, I'm so sorry that happened”_

**“Yeah. I ran away to James’ when I was 16. His parents took me in. Mine wanted to marry me off to some pur- er, rich, politically powerful family. I mean, they wanted me to marry a girl from that family, not the family itself, you know what I mean.”**

_“Yeah”_

**“So, I refused, obviously. Told them I was gay. Well, ‘told’ is a stretch. I might have screamed it at their faces, throwing precious family heirlooms at their faces and the walls, while narrowly avoiding being Cru- ahem, ah hit, on the way out”**

_“M-god, that’s rough. I’m so glad you made it out”_

**“Mm. So am I, most of the time. Sometimes I wonder if Reg wouldn’t have died if I’d stayed. He- he begged me, Remus. He begged me to stay, oh god, he was terrified. And I just left. Left him in that house, with our parents putting so much pressure on him until he fucking broke. S’my fault, if I didn’t leave, they’d take it out on me, and I can take it. He wasn’t used to it, so he couldn’t, it’s my fault, myfault, allmyfaul-”**

_“No, Padfoot. Pads, listen to me. Hey, breathe? It’s not your fault, okay? Your parents were horrible people, and they did terrible things to both of you, but that doesn’t make you a bad person, Pads.”_

**“Does.”**

_“No, it does not. Just because bad things have happened to you, doesn’t mean you’re bad. Everyone has good and bad inside us, it’s just which you act on that matters – Padfoot? What’s that noise?”_

**“Hiding the knives”**

_“Knives!?”_

**“Mhm, and sharp things”**

_“From yourself... or?”_

**“Yeah. James and I have a system. On nights like these, he hides them, or if he’s not around, there’s this box that only opens for him, and if I try to open it, it’ll – I mean, er, he’s the only one that has the password, code thing”**

_“Ah, okay. I want to say ‘stay safe’, but that sounds super patronising”_

**“Somehow, when you say it, it doesn’t. It makes me want to. To stay safe, stay clean”**

_“If we were texting, I’d send you a heart”_

**“Thank you, Remus. Really. Thank you”**

_“It’s okay. You know I’m here, yeah?”_

**“Yeah, I think I'm relatively okay now”**

_“You going back to sleep?”_

**“Nah, I won’t be able to. I think I’ll clean, or tidy the house”**

_“Okay. Do you want me to stay on the line?”_

**“If you don’t mind. I’ll clean really quietly, or I can turn off the phone mic when doing noisy things”**

_“Mhmm, goodnight”_

**“Wait Remus, is this gonna be expensive for your bill?”**

_“No?? Because I’m using my home internet”_

**“Oh, right, okay. Sleep well”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

“Pads?”

**“Hey Prongs. Shh, Remus is on the phone, asleep, I think”**

“Oh, wow, you cleaned a lot. Nightmare?”

**“Yeah, hours ago. Come here and hold me”**

“Hold on, let me get out of my robes first. Did the charm on the box work?”

**“Dunno, I didn’t try taking anything out.”**

“Mkay, come here Pads”

**“Mm. Thanks”**

“Sorry I wasn’t here. 6 raids today”

**“S’okay… Is a war really gonna happen, do you think?”**

“I dunno Pads, I hope not, but realistically…”

**“Yeah, I know. You going to bed?”**

“I’ll stay up with you. Get snacks, and watch crap Muggle telly?”

**“Thanks”**

 “Let me go shower?”

**“Okay. Wait- wait, come back. Kiss?”**

“Forehead?”

**“Mkay thanks. Go shower”**

“Love you, Pads”

**“Love you too”**

**Hey Remus, thank you again. Prongs came back, and we’re going to go watch the telly, so I hanged up. I hope you sleep well <3**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is like me, forehead kisses calm us down
> 
> Notice all the times they almost slipped up? Hehe. 
> 
> Feel free to leave comments!


	5. Of Naps, Pianos, and Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think I can't write the comfort part of hurt/comfort well. Oops  
> Longer update today, as a thank you for all the hits, comments and kudos. You all are amazing <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of past dissociation, PTSD (implied), mentions of past self-harm, depressive thoughts, past suicidal ideation (implied), dysphoria
> 
> Please feel free to tell me if I've handled anything in an insensitive way
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

**Hey Remus, it’s James, Sirius is napping, so I stole their phone**

**I just want to say thank you, you really helped them last night**

_Oh, hi_

_It’s no problem, I didn’t do much, anyway_

**You did, you managed to keep them grounded, which is the most helpful**

**I’ll let them tell you more if they want to**

**Thanks again, sorry if I woke you**

_It’s kay_

**Morningggg**

_*Afternoon_

**Oh, wow it’s 1 already**

**You in class?**

_Pads, it’s Saturday_

**Oh yeahh**

_Cute_

**Have you got any plans for the weekend?**

_Not really, no_

_You?_

**I think James and Pete want to go explore some place?**

**Not too sure**

**What are you doing today?**

_I’m at my endocrinologists’ place, waiting for my appointment_

**What’s that?**

_Where I get my testosterone, meds and stuff_

**Ohh, because the old one didn’t work?**

_Yeah_

_My dad’s here, he’s acting kind of strange, he’s go this faraway look in his eyes?? And every time I call him, he flinches_

**Faraway look as in daydreaming or?**

_Yeah, like lost in thought_

_Oh well_

 

**Can I ask a personal question?**

_Yeah, I’ll be as honest as I can_

**What is it like to transition?**

**With hormones and that kind of stuff?**

_It’s, I don’t really know how to explain. And obviously, everyone’s experiences are different. But for me it’s like I changed into who I wanted to be all along. Which is super cliché but_

_Yeah_

_Why do you ask?_

**Just curious**

**I haven’t done anything I terms of medicines and all, but I’ve done stuff to look less masculine?**

**Like semi-permanent stuff on the face and Adam’s apple**

**And also, Marlene, one of the girls from school taught me how to use make up for contouring to make my face look less masc**

_Ooh, that’s cool_

_Can I ask a personal question, in response?_

_It’s way more personal, and you can tell me to shut up if you don’t want to talk about it_

**Aw Moony,**

**I’d never ask you to shut up!**

**I’d just, subtly direct you to another**

**Er**

**Direction**

_You are the least subtle person I’ve known, Pads_

_But to be fair, I know like 3 people my age_

**What’s the question?**

_Scroll up,_

_What did James mean by “You managed to keep them grounded, I’ll let them tell you more if they want to”_

**Oh, I didn’t see those, he must have deleted them**

_[Screenshot_160917_1.jpg]_

**Oh**

**Typing…**

**Typing…**

_It’s okay if you’re not comfortable with telling me_

**No, I don’t mind, I’m just trying to phrase it**

 

**Okay**

**I dissociate sometimes**

**Most of the time after nightmares**

**Or stuff relating to my family**

**Sometimes I think I’m back there, still in that house and**

**Because there's just too much, too many thoughts, too many feelings, so I sort of shut down, and I blank out**

**And after nightmares, if I dissociate, and I'm alone, I tend to**

**I tend to self-harm, because**

**Because of reasons, I don’t want to get into**

**And yeah, hearing your voice yesterday helped ground me, helped to remind me that I’m not back there**

**Remus?**

**Ookay... take all the time to process this, I guess**

**Moons?**

**You there?**

**Please don’t be the kind of friend that leaves because this is too much**

**Oh, wait, the message isn’t read yet**

**Okay**

**Text me when you see these**

_Shit Sirius I'm so sorry_

_I wasn’t ignoring you, I promise_

_My appointment was up, and I couldn’t text while in there_

_And_

_There were complications, so it took longer than expected_

_Also, I'm so sorry your family has that effect on you_

_I don’t know what to say_

_Just_

_It hurts me to know how much you’ve hurt_

**It’s okay**

**I’m okay**

_I'm always here for you, you can call or text me whenever you need to <3_

**< 3**

**How did the appointment go?**

_Eh, not too great. But I wasn't expecting any better, tbh_

_I'm_

 

_Very annoyed_

_Sorry, I shouldn't be complaining_

**Rule #5? Or 6?: You're always allowed to complain, or rant or vent**

_Just_

_Typing..._

_[Remus Moony Lupin <3 has gone offline]_

**Remus?**

**Talk to me, please?**

_I just_

 

_My condition has taken so many things away from me_

 

_Like, I couldn't go to the school I wanted_

_Can't complete HRT properly_

_One day, every single month, since I was 5, and for the rest of my life, I'm in pain_

_And also, since I still get my period, I'm dying from cramps every 26 or so days too_

_We fucking moved to The Middle of Nowhere, Wales, because it's safer for everyone else_

_My mum cut off ties with her family because my condition had to be kept secret_

_My dad no longer looks at me the same way anymore_

_I've lost more friends than I can count because either they or their parents didn't want me around once they found out, or suspected_

_Or if they weren't prejudiced about it, they only saw that part of me. That one part of me that isn't even around most of the time_

_And_

_I'm just_

 

_I'm so tired_

_I don't know if I can do this Sirius_

**Moons**

_I'm so so tired_

_There's no cure, Sirius_

_This is my life for the rest of, well, my life_

_I don't know if I want to do this_

**Remus**

_I guess I should be grateful,_

_Some people have it worse_

_Some of them are like "removed from society" or living in the streets_

**No Remus**

**Just because other people have it worse doesn't mean that you have to just take everything life gives you silently**

**Fuck, Remus, I really want to give you a hug**

**I just**

**I hope you know that I'm here for you and you can always talk about things if you want to**

**I might not be able to say the right things or comfort you, but I'll always listen**

**You're not alone, okay?**

_I_

_I'm going to take a nap_

**Okay**

_Can you_

 

_Typing..._

 

 

**Moony?**

 

_I'm so sorry_

_You had a rough night last night_

_And I just dumped all this on you_

**Moony, it's really really okay**

**I don't mind, I promise**

**I'd rather you told me than keeping it all bottled up inside you**

_Can you call, but don't say anything?_

_Is it weird?_

_I want to sleep a while but I don't want to feel so alone_

 

**[Incoming call from Sirius (Padfoot)]**

 

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"Psst, are you asleep?"**

_"Nope. Too many thoughts. I like how you said psst and also whispered"_

**"Do you want music?"**

_"M'okay either way"_

**"..."**

_"Oh_

_Oh my_

_Pads, is that you, playing?"_

**"Yeah. I used to play a lot, helped to calm Reggie down when he needed it"**

_"I didn't even know you played"_

**"I don't, usually. Brings up memories"**

_"I'm s-"_

**"Nuh uh, no sorry"**

_"I'm sssso... grateful? I am, though. Thank you, Pads"_

**"Mhmm"**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"…"_

**"You're asleep, aren't you?"**

_"Mm"_

**"Your breathing's different"**

"Padfoot, did you see my- oh"

**"Shh Jamie"**

"Sorry, I'll whisper. This is beautiful, Pads. Did you see my wallet?"

**"Under the second cushion, from the right. You left it there last night"**

"Oh yes, got it! You playing for moony?"

**"Yeah"**

"Merlin, you really like him, don't you? Him? Zir?"

**"I dunno. To both questions"**

"Aww, blushing Sirius is back. That's okay. Just, try not to get hurt, yeah?"

**"Mm. Yes mum"**

"Okay, I'm off, I'm out with Lils, don't wait up for me"

**"Where are you going?”**

“Some Muggle restaurant, then maybe a drink at Leaky’s?”

**“Okay, bye, love you. Stay safe!"**

“Love you too"

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_“…”_

**"Mm... Where's the salt? ... Remus? You awake?"**

_"..."_

**"I guess not … Accio salt"**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"…"**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"Padfoot? What are you doing?"_

**"Um. Cooking dinner? Really quietly?"**

_"Awh, you could have hung up"_

**"It's okay. It was comforting, knowing you're on the line and okay"**

_"Aww"_

**"Are you feeling better?"**

_"Tired. Less sad, but still tired. What time is it?"_

**“Nearly seven”**

_“Oh, wow, I slept for 3 and a half hours?”_

**“Yeah”**

_“Were you busy?”_

**“Nah, I played some songs, then I went to cook dinner”**

_“Are you done yet?”_

**“Nope, it’s in the oven”**

_“What are you making?”_

**“Pasta with cheese. It was the only two things we have in the cooling box”**

_“Cooling box? Fridge?”_

**“Ah, yes. That.”**

_“You’re ridiculous. In the best way possible, sure, but still ridiculous”_

**“And cute too, apparently”**

_“You’re okay”_

**“Hey!”**

_“You are very cute, Padfoot.”_

**“Thank you!”**

_“I- nothing”_

**“You?”**

_“I’m hungry”_

**“I’m pretty sure that’s not what you meant to say, but okay”**

_“Thanks.”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“Is there anything you don’t do anymore, but you’d like to?”**

_“How do you mean?”_

**“I dunno, I was just thinking, I think I’d like to play the piano again. I stopped once I left the house, but I kind of like playing, it feels nice. And I don’t want to let them define or sort of tarnish? Affect? The things that I like”**

_“Yeah. I think you play really well.”_

**“Thanks”**

_“I think maybe I want to pick up baking again. I used to bake a lot when I was younger. But i gradually stopped, because, I don’t know, because society genders everything?? Like, I loved baking, and at that time I completely identified as a trans guy, and baking seemed like an inherently feminine thing? Which is stupid, of course, baking is just baking. I shouldn’t care”_

**“Screw society, and do what you like?”**

_“Yeah. Maybe I’ll bake tomorrow”_

**“What was your favourite thing to bake?”**

_“Hmm, I really liked lava cakes. With ice cream.”_

**“Oh, wow that sounds nice”**

_“Maybe I’ll make some for you someday_ ”

**“Do you think of us meeting as a definite possibility?”**

_“Yeah. Is that – is it okay?”_

**“That you think of us meeting? Yeah. Do you want to?”**

_“Yeah. In the not so near future?”_

**“Yeah. That’s okay.”**

_“Do you want to?”_

**“Yeah. What will we do?”**

_“Meet up, walk around, eat? Movie? I don’t know, really”_

**“I dunno, I just like making plans, and imagining”**

_“You’re the cutest”_

**“I know”**

_“Wow”_

**“Ooh, my dinner’s done!”**

_“Nice. Be careful!”_

**“Ow! Okay. I'm okay”**

_“Glad to hea-”_

**_ “ _ ** **_[Cariad](https://translate.google.com.sg/?rlz=1C1JZAP_enSG742SG742&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&client=tw-ob#cy/en/cariad) _ _, are you in the kitchen?”_ **

_“Yeah Ma, I’m here”_

**_ “Who are you talking to?” _ **

_“Sirius”_

**“Hi Maam”**

**_ “Oh hello, love, how are you?” _ **

**“I’m good, Mrs. Lupin”**

_“Ew, you’re all bonding”_

**_ “Ah,  _ cariad, _you’re still my favourite, don’t you worry. Come here, give me a hug”_ **

_“Mpfhfh. Mum!”_

**_ “Shall I leave you two to it then?” _ **

**“Nice meeting you, Mrs. Lupin!”**

**_“You too, dear”_ **

_“Okay she’s gone”_

**“Did she like me?”**

_“What? Of course, she does, Pads”_

**“Mmkay”**

_“Is it? Are we?”_

**“Yes. Just thinking”**

_“Okay.”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“I should go, help my mum with dinner”_

**“Okay. Text me after?”**

_“I don’t know, we usually watch movies together until late, on Saturdays. Sorry”_

**“Okay, no, that’s okay”**

_“I’ll text goodnight.”_

**“Okay, bye. Enjoy your time together!”**

_“Talk to you soon.”_

_Text me if there's anything_

**< 3**

**Hey, I’m going to bed, goodnight, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?**

_Yes, definitely_

_Good night <3_

✔ Message read: 7.48 am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm aware that sirius talks about hormones and stuff very clumsily, it's because they're not too sure how the Muggle stuff works. And also, they were trying to avoid saying that they used Transfiguration, Charms and glamours to make "semi-permanent changes" to their bone structure in the face and Adam's apple)
> 
> (Background info I'm not sure you want: Remus' endocrinologist is a Muggleborn witch, so she uses a mixture of muggle and magic methods for her clients)
> 
> (Sirius played [Kiss the Rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imGaOIm5HOk) and [Love Me ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7p2UeB_QRM) by Yiruma for Remus, which they learnt on their own, to annoy their mother, as Yiruma is a Muggle, and Korean, which half-Korean Mrs. Black disliked, as she didn't acknowledge that part of her lineage. Sirius also played [ Spring Waltz (Mariage d'Amour)](https://youtu.be/EFJ7kDva7JE) by Chopin, and the first part of  
> [ Moonlight Sonata](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Tr0otuiQuU) by Beethoven which Regs loved.)


	6. Of Baking, Video Calls, and Unrevealed Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, hurt/comfort, and a (sort-of) cliff-hanger!
> 
> 1.7k words as a thank you for 500 hits!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of misgendering (no one is misgendered, just discussions of how someone makes sure they don’t misgender another person by accident), self-loathing (particularly about one's physical appearance), scars, mentions of self-harm (implied), mentions of past child abuse.
> 
> Tell me if I've left anything out, or handled anything insensitively
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

**Hey hey**

**I don't know if you're awake yet but James, Pete, some friends and I are gonna go explore some woods and play sports**

**There's no phone service there so I can't text**

**Hope you have a lovely day <3**

 

_Awakee_

_Barely_

**Morningg**

**Cereal?**

**Since Prongs and Wormy ate half of mine**

_Mm cornflakes, with yoghurt and honey_

_Im sleep_

 

**Sleep well Moons, tell me about your day, I'll reply when I can <3**

 

 

_Omg that was so earlyyy_

_It's already half past noon oops_

 

_I think I'll bake today_

_Because why not_

 

 

 

_Heading out to the shops to buy ingredients_

_Gonna make lava cakessss omg I’m excited_  

 

 

_Ooh the cashier here's really friendly_

_Her name tag said "My name is Agnes and my pronouns are she/her today. Tell me yours so I don't misgender you"_

_She was so nice!!_

_We spent like 5 minutes trying to figure out what the gender-neutral version of ma'am/sir is_

 

 

 

_You've been gone for hours, I hope you guys are all okay_

 

_Having late lunch/early dinner now_

 

 

 

_Starting baking_

 

_Omg this feels nice_

_Oh, wow I wish you could smell this_

 

_Have I died and gone to heaven_

 

_Remind me not to do things (or not to avoid doing things) just because society doesn't approve_

_Because who cares about society man_

 

_Hey, do you mind when I say things like 'man', 'bro' and 'mate'?_

 

_Oh my god this smells so gooood_

_Pads, you HAVE to smell these someday_

 

**I'm hereeee**

**And yes, we're all okay we climbed to the top of a hill and we’re having a sort of picnic here, so I went a bit higher to get mobile phone service**

**Aww Agnes sounds really nice!! I wish there was more people like her around**

**YESS SCREW SOCIETIAL GENDER ROLES!!**

**And I'm okay with mate and man, but not bro**

 

_Okay noted_

_Can I call? I'm baking, I don't want to accidentally burn somenthinf_

 

**"Helloooo"**

_"Oh my god pads I ... I really like your voice"_

**"Awwww. What are you up to?"**

_"Adding the chocolate mix to the bowls... Peanut butter... More chocolate..."_

**"That's – ALOT of chocolate. M-blimey, no wonder you like it"**

_"Yeah and it's DELICIOUS. I'll make some for you someday"_

**"Mm mhmm"**

** "Sirius! Quit talking to your mysterious phone person, we're leaving!" **

**"COMING, ALICE! Sorry moons, I gotta go. Talk to you soon?"**

_"Okay, bye!"_

 

 

 

**Remus?**

**Are you hereee?**

 

_Yeah hi_

_How was your day?_

**Good!**

**We had a really great time**

_Who is we?_

**Me, James, Pete, Marlene, Lily, Alice, Frank, and Dorcas**

**Mary usually comes with us but she couldn't make it today**

_Ooh nice_

 

_Typing..._

_Are_

_Are you guys open to new people?_

**How do you mean?**

**Oh!**

**Like, if you were to join us?**

**Yeah, I like to think we're very open??**

**Like**

**Our friendship started out with me and James, then Pete joined in**

**And it used to be just the three of us really close**

**Them once we ended school, we started meeting up to catch up and stuff**

**So Marls, Dorcas and Mary joined us**

**Oh, and Lily only recently joined us, she couldn't stand us before this**

**But to be fair, James and I were massive prats in school**

 

_[Remus Moony Lupin <3 has gone offline]_

**Moons?**

_Yeah hi_

_Typing..._

_Your friends sound nice_

**They can be your friends too**

_Typing..._

_[Remus Moony Lupin <3 has gone offline]_

 

**Sorry, was that too much?**

_N_

_Yeah_

_Not I'm a bad way though_

**Sorry**

_Wasn't bad_

_Just_

_I need to get used to the idea_

**Do you wanna change the subject?**

_Mhmm_

**How were the lava cakes? Is that what you made?**

_Ooh! Yes!_

_[camera_170917_4.jpg]_

**Oh**

**My**

**God**

**That**

**That looks amazing**

_Tastes amazing too_

**Moony!! Making me jealous!**

_Heheheh_

**Are you giggling IRL?**

_Yes_

**How dare you!**

_I dare_

 

**Moony**

**Moony moony moony**

_Yes yes yes_

**Do you want to video call?**

**Through the computer**

**Skype thing**

**Pete's here and so is his laptop computer**

_I_

_Don't know_

**Okay**

**That's okay**

**James says are you sure you're not some 40-year-old creep?**

**I don't think you're a crepe moons, it's no pressure at all**

***creep**

 

_I know, it's just_

_I don't like how I look_

_I know objectively, I look okay, except for a few things_

**What, have you got a third eye, or something?**

**Two noses?**

**Nosi?**

**What’s the plural of nose??**

 

_Typing..._

 

_Typing..._

 

_[Remus Moony Lupin <3 has gone offline] _

 

_Typing..._

 

**Sorry, I shouldn't pry**

 

_Scars_

_Okay_

_I have scars_

_Not even those punk cool ones,_

_Huge, hideous ones_

_I can't tell you how I got them_

_I will, some day, I think, but not yet_

_All over my face, my arms, my back, legs, everywhere_

_There's an especially huge one on my face, from the tip of my eyebrow to the corner of my lip_

_And more, on my face_

_I hate it_

_I hate_

_All of it_

_And I don't want you to see it_

_See me_

_And_

_I don't know_

_Freak out, or be disgusted_

 

**Remus**

**I've said it before, and I'll say it again**

**No physical attribute of yours is going to make me like you any less**

**And I like you**

**I don't know if it’s as a friend, or more, but I like you a lot**

**And I don't stop liking people easily**

 

**If it helps, I have scars too,**

**On**

**On mmy back, from my shit parents**

**And on my arms, wrists, inside of my thighs, from**

**Me**

**And I just**

**I want to know you, Remus**

**All of you**

**Even the not nice parts, even the hideous parts (your words, not mine)**

**And I want to be allowed to like all of you**

**Not despite your flaws, but including them**

 

**And also, I want to see the face I cause to blush and smile so often**

 

_Typing..._

 

_Typing..._

 

 

 

**[incoming video call from Remus Moony Lupin <3]**

**"Hello? Is this working? What do I do?"**

_"Pads, are you holding it up to your ear?"_

**"Yeah...? Is that not what I’m supposed to do??"**

_"Ohmygod, again, ridiculous in the best way possible, put it down, hold your phone in front of your face"_

**"Oh… Oh! But the screen is black.”**

_"I know, I'm covering my camera"_

**"Oh! There's me! In the corner!!"**

_"M-ohmygod, adorable"_

**"!!"**

_"Aww your blush!!"_

**"This is so cool!!! I didn't know phones could do this! I thought only computers could"**

_"Haha-ohmygod-haa Padfoot, I swear, you're like an old person in an 18-year-old's body"_

**"Hey! I'm young at heart, okay!'**

_"Yeah yeah"_

**"Moony... It's okay if you don't want me to see you. I didn't want to pressure you"**

_"Shh… Wait, just. Let me look at you. ... HAHA nice pose. I like your eyes. And your nose. Your cheekbones!!"_

**"Eyes are a result of years of inbreeding"**

_"What"_

**"Yeah, that's how I got this weird grey-blue colour"**

_"They're beautiful. Holy shit, you're beautiful. AWW BLUSHY PADFOOT, so cute"_

**"Shhhhh"**

_"Your hair's exactly how I imagined it, black, not quite shoulder-length"_

**"That's – that’s both cool, sweet, and slightly creepy at the same time"**

_"..."_

**"..."**

_"I like how comfortable our silences are"_

**"Yeah"**

_"Can I... Can I show you around first?"_

**"Ooh, sure"**

_"Hold on, let me change this to the main camera... This is my house. Say hi"_

**"Hi Remus' house"**

_"It didn't say hi back"_

**"How rude"**

_"Kitchen..."_

**"Ooh, cozy. Oh, the lava cakes from earlier!"**

_"Yeah, look!”_

**“Oh, wow, that looks really great”**

_“Mhmm… Living room... "_

**"Nice fire place, ooh I like your couch. It's a nice colour. Oh, that pot on top of the mantle is so cutee"**

_"Err, yeah – dining room... We usually just eat in the kitchen or-"_

**"Moony... Are the photos moving?"**

_"What? No, of course not. Here's the stairs, my parent's room, the study room, aaand... My room."_

**"Oh, that's nice. It's really cosy, I like it. It fits you"**

_"Aaaand... There's me. Hi"_

**"Oh!"**

_"Yeah, I know, not the nicest to look at"_

**"No, moons. Oh my gosh, merl-er god, you look... Wow."**

_"Don't, Sirius, you don't have to lie to me"_

**"No, I'm not. You know I wouldn't. Oh, your eyelashes are beautiful, your freckles! Oh my god Moony you have dimples!!! Holy shit. Your lips! Ohmygod you’re biting your lips, oh god I'm dead. Your eyes. That colour!"**

_"Yeah, green with weird specs of amber, because-"_

**"Beautiful. Just. Wow."**

_"..."_

**"Have I told you that you blush really cute?"**

_"Heh shhhhh"_

**"You don't believe me..."**

_"That's not tr- yeah okkay... I'm working on it"_

**"S'okay"**

_"I like your smile. You have very straight teeth"_

**"Thanks. Thanks?"**

_"... I can't stop smiling"_

**"Good. I like smiley Remus. I like all Remuses, TBH"**

_"Ohmygod I can't get over how you say things like tbh and btw out loud"_

**"Isn’t that a Mu- er, normal thing?"**

_"No??"_

**"Oh... Hey, do you mind if James and Pete say hi?"**

"We're here! Hi Remus! We're behind the camera!"

_"Mm...Yeah, okay"_

"Yay!"

"Hey remus!"

"Hiiii"

_"Uh, hello"_

"Ooh, I like your room!"

_"Thanks"_

"Pronouns?"

_"Oh, ze"_

"Zir really cute, pads, you were right"

**"I. Know. Right."**

"Hey, careful of the –"

**"Oh shit, yeah"**

_"What was he pointing at?"_

"The bookshelf!" **"Nothing"** "The ceiling fan!"

"Hey! I like your shirt"

_"... Thanks?"_

_ "Remus? Who are you talking to?" _

_"Oh dad. My friend, and their friends. Do you wanna say hi? Dad? Dad?"_

_ "Don't" _

_"What, why? Dad! What the f-"_

**"Uhh Remus?"**

"Where is zir?"

"Looks like ze threw zir phone onto the bed and walked out??"

“I think I heard a door slam…?”

**"..."**

_"... not want me... am I such... disappointment..."_

_ "...cariad, please!..." _

"They're shouting... Should we hang up?"

**"Yeah"**

 

**Hey moons, we hanged up, I hope everything’s okay**

**Text me <3**

 

 

 

 

_Oh my god_

_Sirius_

_Sirius, are you asleep?_

**I was**

**What why**

_Oh, sorry_

**What happened?**

**What's wrong?**

_Nothing's wrong, really nothing_

**Rems?**

_Can I tell you tomorrow, though?_

_It’s really late, I’m sleepy and tired, and I won’t be able to explain properly_

_Nothing’s wrong, I promise_

_Sorry I just walked out of the room_

**Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow**

**It's okay**

_Sorry I woke you_

**S’fine, I put my phone to full volume, just in case**

_Aww <3_

_Can you help me tell James and Pete I'm sorry I just left like that?_

**They didn't mind, but I'll tell them**

_Thank you_

 

_Goodnight?_

**Goodnight <3**

✔ Message read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The "cute pot on the mantle" is filled with Floo Powder)  
> (Peter was pointing at James' old broom, hanging on the wall from his Quidditch days. Sirius almost got it in view of the camera)
> 
> I don't really know if I like this chapter, oh well
> 
> Updates will be every 2-3 days from now on  
> Thank you for all the love <3


	7. Of Revealed Revelations and Unwilling Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angstttt and another cliff-hanger! (Because, tbh, I can't decide which way to go)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of PTSD nightmares, mentions of dysphoria (implied), discussions of anxiety, and self-loathing, low self-worth, internalized acephobia, Mildly dubious consent.
> 
> Tell me if I've missed anything out, or handled anything insensitively!
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

**Morning morning Moony**

**What is this news you wish to tell me?**

**What happened last night?**

 

_Omg what why were you up so earlyyy_

**You say that almost every day Moony**

**7 am isn't that early, James was up at 5**

**He wakes up at 5 everyday, or at least when he doesn't come home at 4 am from work**

**But I digress,**

**What was it you wanted to tell me last night?**

_Ohh_

_Omg_

_Yeah_

_Can you call? I'm too lazy to type it all out_

 

**"Hello Moonshine"**

_"Oh, hi"_

**"Is that okay?”**

_“Yeah… Mmm, what should I have for breakfast?”_

**“Moony!! The suspense is literally killing me"**

_"Okay okay,_ _so you guys didn't see, but the second time I called him, he flinched really hard and sighed. So, I called him again and he snapped "don't" then walked out. So I was like what the fuck_ _?? And at first,_ _I thought it was because he was disappointed in me or something and didn't want me as a child anymore or like just doesn't want to be reminded that I'm his kid??_ _And also, he always got this faraway look when talking about me and my transitioning and stuff, like he was wishing for something. And I thought he was wondering what it'd be like if he still had a daughter, so I confronted him._

 _And it turns out, Sirius_. _Sirius, it turns out that my dad is a closeted trans woman?? I don’t know, he identifies as female to himself, but presents as male.”_

**“Ohh ohmygosh”**

_“He insists I still call him dad, and he/him though, but I don't know, I can see it kills him inside… And also, he explained why he was behaving weirdly before my appointment yesterday. Turns out he was thinking about what it would have been like if he came out and transitioned when he was young."_

**“Wow.”**

_“Yeah, this came out of nowhere_ … _I haven't even fully processed it yet"_

**“That is the best plot twist I have ever heard"**

_"I know right!! He told me not to tell my mum though, but I don't know, Sirius, the look on his face when I said, 'so should I call you Mum?'..."_

**"Did he tell you why he doesn't want to be out?"**

_"Something about… He's made his choice, and is okay with presenting as male, has no desire to transition, and has accepted the fact that the world sees him as male... And also, he doesn’t want the drama it would inevitably cause, with his work, and our community"_

**"Those are valid arguments..."**

_"Yeah, yeah I know… Should I just keep calling him dad, even though I know it hurts him?"_

**"I don't know, moons, if that's his choice, then it deserved to be respected?? Like if I told you to call me he/him, you would, even though you know I’m nonbinary"**

_"... Yeah"_

**"Moony? ... In times like these, especially with family, would you rather I gave you my completely honest opinion even though it might seem like you're, I don't know, losing? Or would you want me to just support you in your decisions?"**

_"The first one… Yeah, I know. I know you're right. And yeah..."_

**"I hope you know I'm always on your side, Moony. You know that, yeah?"**

_"Mhmm. Thank you Pads"_

**"You busy?"**

_"Not at the moment, I've got a class later on though"_

**"I learnt a new song, do you wanna hear it?"**

_"Ooh sure"_

**"[...](https://youtu.be/yi8pfSF-W-E)"**

_"Oh my god Padfoot that's amazing"_

**"Thank you, thank you. I thought of you when I heard the lyrics"**

_"What's it called?"_

**"...  Um. Can I tell you another time?"**

_"Oh – Okay_ ”

**“Just. You were gonna look for the lyrics, right?”**

_“Yeah…”_

**“It’s- I dunno. Sorry”**

_“S’okay”_

**“It’s just that the lyrics say something that really really resonated with me. Like, I completely related to every single line, and I’m not ready for you to know that yet. Is – is that okay?”**

_“Yeah, of course. You’re not obligated to share every single thing with me… I mean, no, that came out wrong, I mean –”_

**“S’okay, I know what you mean”**

_“What should I eat for breakfast?”_

**“Mmm what do you have?”**

_“Ooh, we have leftovers from dinner last night!”_

**“Moonyyyyy”**

_“Yes?”_

**“Please tell me you’re not eating dinner food for breakfast!”**

_“Why not? It’s just pumpkin soup and bread”_

**“Eh, okay, you do you, Moons… Well, to be fair, it’s almost lunch time now…”**

_“Mhmm… Heating it up…”_

**“Do you want to hear another song? Am I boring you with these, by the way?”**

_“No, definitely not, Padfoot. I love hearing them.”_

**“I learnt this after I got kicked out and moved in with the Potters”**

_“I’m really glad you have them”_

**“Me too”**

_“Oh! My soup’s done!”_

**“That was fast”**

_“Uhm, yeah, er, microwave”_

**“[…](https://youtu.be/TqCYD479h4c)”**

_“Ohh, oh my god, that was beautiful”_

**“Another one?”**

_“Yes please”_

**“[…](https://youtu.be/7maJOI3QMu0)”**

_“This feels very similar to the first one you ever played for me”_

**“Yeah, it’s the same person. He’s Korean and my mum- my biological mum hated him, just for being Korean, and a successful pianist. And also, she’s half-Korean, but she doesn’t acknowledge it, because purity and all that shit. So naturally I learnt every single song. But hey, that’s the entirety of or non-existent parent-child relationship.”**

_“Mer-Geez. That really really sucks, I’m so sorry you had shit parents, Pads”_

**“Issokay, I have James and his family now”**

_“I’d send you a heart”_

**“Hey, Moony, what do you mean when you send hearts?”**

_“What do you mean what do I mean?”_

**“Just, what’s going through your mind, and what do you mean by it?”**

_“I don’t know, really, it’s just, I feel like, a sudden rush of ‘ohmygod I want to hug them, or just be there with or for them’ I don’t know. What’s going through my mind is … not words, just feelings”_

**“Ohh, okay”**

_“Is it, is it okay?”_

**“Yeah”**

_“Hey, are hugs always okay, or? I don’t know, I’m assuming”_

**“Yes, hugs are always okay. No, wait, unless it’s after a nightmare, in which case, it’s safer to ask first”**

_“Okay.”_

**“What about you? Are hugs always okay?”**

_“Yeah, I think so”_

**“Mkay”**

_“Wait no, actually, some days I just, can’t – I don’t know, I just can’t deal with people touching me? Because of... yeah”_

**“Okay, that’s okay. I’ll ask first, before hugging you?”**

_“I think it’d be pretty obvious when hugs aren’t welcome… I’d be uncomfortable in general, and I think you could tell. Oh, and also, I don’t know how I feel about hugs without my binder on. I think it’s mostly fine on ze/zir days, but not he/him days? I don’t know. Sorry, that’s a complicated answer to a fairly simple question”_

**“No, it’s okay. Why would I be bothered that you trust me with this information, and I now know how not to make you feel uncomfy, or to help you feel less uncomfy”**

_“Thank you. … I like how you say uncomfy, like people say comfy when they mean comfortable, I liked how you transferred that to uncomfortable”_

**“Well, what can I say, I’m unique like that.”**

_“Mhmm”_

**“[…](https://youtu.be/15NBvaweInY)” **

_“Oh! I just remembered, I had a dream about you last night”_

**“Oh, what was it about?”**

_“It was nice, I can’t remember what it was about but it was nice and… yeah”_

**“How informative, Moons”**

_“It was quite a while ago!”_

**“If you say so”**

_“Hey!”_

**“You know I’m kidding”**

_“Yeah”_

**“…”**

_“Ughhh I need to go to class soon”_

**“Ugh because you need to leave or because you don’t like the class”**

_“Mm, first one. I don’t mind the class, it’s just a lecture today”_

**“Which do you prefer: lectures, or what’s the other one?”**

_“Seminars?”_

**“Yeah”**

_“I prefer lectures. You just listen, and pay attention."_

**“Aww nerd”**

_“Shh, I like it, there’s minimal human interaction”_

**“Is it people in general, or just people you don’t know”**

_“Mmm, I’ve never really thought about it... I think it’s when I don’t know where I stand, it bothers me? Like, you know I don’t have the best opinion of myself, and usually I just assume everyone’s thinking about me that way too. But with people I know, I know objectively that they don’t think so badly of me, so I don’t feel so dumb or awkward. Am I making sense?”_

**“Yeah. Just so you know, you’re standing on Halfway-to-Having-a-Crush-On Avenue for me, and I-Like-You-as-a-Human-Person Lane”**

_“I’m not – yeah, okay. Thank you...?”_

**“I like you more than I’ve liked someone before… I’m scared Moons, what if I screw this up?”**

_“You won’t, you couldn’t screw this up. If one of us is going to, it’ll be me.”_

**“I’m sure that’s not-”**

_“No, just. Wait, wait. Hear me out?”_

**“Okay. You know I’m not agreeing, but okay. Not agreeing that you’ll screw this up, I mean. But yes, I’ll listen”**

_“Okay, so. The thing I haven’t been telling you, it’s big, Sirius. It changes the lives of people I meet and know. There’s two things, the good thing and the bad thing. And I think you’ll be okay with the good thing, maybe you won’t believe me at first, but you’ll come around. But the bad thing… People like me are – shit, Sirius, people like me shouldn’t even exist, and they almost had me killed because of it, when I was a child, and – fuck, Sirius, it’s, it’ll just make your life difficult, and whatever good things I bring to your life, if there are any at all–”_

**“There are, a lot. Moony, please-”**

_“Any of the good things, Sirius, it won’t be worth it, because I’ll pose a danger to you, your friends, everyone, and I don’t know what could ever be worth – shit, Sirius, I-I shouldn’t have let it go this far, us. I thought I could have a nice, normal, low-involvement friendship, but I – I really, really like you Sirius. And fuck, it’s gonna hurt so bad when you leave-”_

**“You can't be sure I'll leave. You don’t make my decisions for me.”**

_“Have you even been listening?? I’m really sorry Sirius, I shouldn’t have let this continue this far. I shouldn’t keep talking to you. This is just worse for both of us in the long run"_

**“No, Remus, Remus, please. You know that’s not true. Just, breathe for a moment, okay, please?”**

_“Oh… No, fuck, Padfoot, don’t distract me with nice music… Oh, god help me, I’m gonna miss this”_

**"[...](https://youtu.be/yTAdS8FNjjg)"**

_“I can’t do this Sirius, I – oh fuck. S-sirius.”_

**“It’s okay Moons, just, can you hear me out too?”**

_“I – I can’t, Sirius, oh fuck I-I need to go, reaching school soon”_

**“Okay, okay we can talk about this later”**

_“Fuck, I’m sorry. Bye Padfoot”_

**[Call from Remus Moony Lupin <3 disconnected]**

**Text me when you get out of class**

**I’m at work, so if I don’t reply, that’s why**

**Hey Moons, James and I are going to the Potters’, to introduce Lils to them. There’s no internet connection there, and no signal sometimes, depending on luck**

**I’m out in the garden, there’s signal here, somehow**

**I just want to say this, and please, Moony, don’t disregard everything I say just like that, yeah?**

**Okay, first, Remus, you’re the first person since James, Pete, and the Potters’ that I genuinely cannot see myself living without. I know we’ve only known each other for like two weeks, but I feel like I’ve known you a long time. You bring so much value to my life, sometimes I take it for granted, and I don’t even know where to begin. Like, you don’t know me before I’ve known you, obviously, but I think I’ve grown out from being the self-centred, arrogant, self-destructive prat I was back in school. I’m not saying you’ve completely changed me or anything, it’s just subtle little things, like, I know I’ve never told you this, but I used to go out, to pubs or clubs, get drunk, chat people up and have sex with them. I didn’t want to, but I did it because it seemed like a normal thing to do, and I thought that if I kept trying, I’d be able to be ‘not broken’ which is stupid, of course, people who are ace aren’t broken. And it affected me really badly, like in terms of my mental health. But I don’t do it anymore, and idk, you’ve come into my life at a time where I’m starting to move on from the past, and I want to become a better me. I don’t know what my point was, I’m just rambling at this point**

**It’s okay if you want to let go of the possibility of us being more than just friends, you can have that low-involvement friendship you want, or if you want to not meet up, that’s okay too. All I’m asking is just, don’t assume I’m like everyone else, and don’t cut me off because of that. (I don’t mind that there's things you can’t tell me, it’s the same here too, there’s stuff I can’t tell you too.) I just, you’re just all warm, and fluffy, and kind, and so Remus, and a good person, and a really great friend. And I really don’t want to lose you.**

**That said, if us being friends means that you’re unnecessarily unhappy, or anxious, or any bad feelings, and if you really really want to, then okay, we’ll stop talking.**

**Fuck, it’ll hurt, and I’ll miss you a lot but if it’s what you want then I’ll respect that.**

**But two conditions, Remus:**

**1\. Only because you, yourself, deep down, no longer wants to continue this, whatever we are. Not because you think it’s best, or for my own good, or if you think I’ll leave in the future, or because you’re afraid of hurting me, or anything like that.**

**2\. Tell me. Please, whichever way you decide, just tell me. Don’t leave me hanging, I can’t deal with that.**

 

 

 

✔ Message read

 

_Typing..._

 

_cantrigh t now will t ext yiu ttmr promsie_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs played are linked to when Sirius plays them, so you don’t have to wait and read all the way until here to listen
> 
> In case you couldn't open them:  
> [Gabrielle Aplin, Please Don't Say You Love Me - Piano Version ](https://youtu.be/yi8pfSF-W-E)  
> [The Cinematic Orchestra, To Build A Home](https://youtu.be/TqCYD479h4c)  
> [Yiruma, River Flows in You ](https://youtu.be/7maJOI3QMu0)  
> [Yiruma, Dream A Little Dream Of Me](https://youtu.be/15NBvaweInY)  
> [Yiruma, Fotografia](https://youtu.be/yTAdS8FNjjg)
> 
>    
> (Remus used a Warming Charm to heat up zir soup, that's why it took so little time)  
> (The Potters' block their phone signal inside their house as it interferes with their magic, and magical instruments)  
> (Does anyone actually want these random bits of info???)
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated (bc I'm insecure af and I'm surprised that there are actual people reading this omg)!


	8. Of Conditional Conditions and Plausible Possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this fluff? Am I capable of writing fluff???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of PTSD nightmares, mentions of anxiety, mentions of implied childhood neglect, implied slight internalized acephobia, implied past acephobia. 
> 
> As always, tell me if I've missed anything out or handled anything wrongly/insensitively!

_Hey, I know it's almost midnight already but_

_I've been putting this off all day and I promised you I'll text today_

_So, if you're awake could you text me?_

 

**Remus, hi**

**Omg I'm shakinf**

_Same_

_Do you want to call?_

**"Hey"**

_"Hhi"_

**"You don't have to say yes or no today, it's oka-"**

_"No, it's. I don't know. I really really don't know. I'm so sorry"_

**"S’okay"**

_"I – I don't know what to do"_

**"Okay, what is it that you want? In an ideal situation, if there are none of the obstacles, what would you want?"**

_"I'd want... Oh Padfoot, I'd want ... I want you. As a friend and also, maybe more, if you'd let me. I want to spend days with you, hug you when you need to, or when I need to, or when either of us simply want to. I want to sit by your side while you play the piano. I want to know how you got the nickname Padfoot. I want to bake lava cakes for you, I want to eat actual fries with you since you said you've never tried proper fries before, I want to laugh with you, and cry with you, for you, I want to hold you after nightmares, I'd you'd allow it, just be there for you and with you, if touching isn't okay. I want to help you become a better person. I want to be the person that proves to you that you're not broken, because you really really are not. I want to be the one you introduce to James's parents. I want to introduce you to my parents. I - oh fuck I want to love you, with all that I am, and I want to love you the way you deserve to be loved. ... I- I want to make you happy. Pads, I want you to be the one I feel content with"_

**"..."**

_"Sirius? ... Shit, should I have not said that?"_

**"Sorry, lump in my throat"**

_"Oh, sorry"_

**"No, no, not in a bad way"**

_"..."_

**"I don't know what to say ... We could have all that Moony"**

_"... I don't know, padfoot.. "_

**"Why though?"**

_"Why what?"_

**"I'm not like questioning you or accusing you, but Moony, why do you do this to yourself? I know or at least, I hope, I make your life a little better, and-"**

_"You do, so so much"_

**"So Moony, why won’t you let yourself have this?"**

_"… I ... I don't know, I think ... I think it's because I think I don't deserve good things?"_

**"Why not?"**

_"Because my crippling anxiety and self-doubt tells me so? And also, lots of internalised bullshit? I don't know, Sirius, if you grow up being told that you're a monster and you shouldn't exist, slowly you believe it, to some extent"_

**"Someone once told me, just because bad things have happened to you, doesn't mean you're a bad person. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on"**

_"Mmm yes, was a very smart person, wasn't it?"_

**"Mhmm definitely"**

_"…"_

**"So Moons, do you want this, whatever we are?"**

_"My heart is saying yes but my mind and brain is saying no"_

**"Okay, that's okay, we can-"**

_"Okay. Okay okay, yes. Fuck it all, if all this goes to shit then it will, but at least we tried. So yes, yes to us being friends. Yes to meeting up. Yes to being more than friends if both of us want. Yes, yes yes yes."_

**"Really? Really really Moony?"**

_"Yes. This is the single most selfish thing I've ever done, yet I'm grinning from ear to ear"_

**"Yesss yes yes yes. Ohmygod okay. Me too. I'm smiling so much"**

_"But Sirius, one condition, the moment I pose a danger to you, I'll go."_

**"... Okay, I don't think you ever would, but okay. Can I add a condition to your condition?"**

_"Mhmm?"_

**"I know I've said it before but please please tell me, don't just ignore me and. I don't know… sorry, I've not had the best experience with being ignored"**

_"Okay. I will. I hope I don't ever have to tell you that I want us to stop, but okay."_

**"Thanks. … Sooo how was your day?"**

_"It was okay. I didn't have class so I spent the whole day fretting and putting off texting you"_

**"Aww Moons…"**

_"Are we okay?"_

**"Yeah. I think so? What d'you think?"**

_"I think yes, we're okay, or we will be. I think I really like you, and I want to see you"_

**"Aww, I want to see you too"**

_"Soon?"_

**"Soon. Hey, uhm, do you mind that I don’t know yet if I like you in that way? In a non-platonic way?"**

_"Course not, why would I mind?"_

**"Just, I dunno. Haven’t had the best of experiences with this. Like, I know that you are someone I can and want to learn to like. But it takes time, and will you be patient with me while I figure out my feelings for you?"**

_"Mhmm, of course. You deserve nothing less, Pads"_

**"Thank you Moony"**

_"Mmm, sleep?"_

**"Sleep"**

_"Do you want to stay on the line?"_

**"If you don’t mind"**

_"I don’t"_

**"Goodnight Moony"**

_"Night. Sleep well"_

**"…"**

_"…"_

**"…"**

_"…"_

**"…"**

_"…"_

**"…"**

_"…"_

"Hey Pads, you sleeping?"

**"Mmf, no, not anymore, come in. Cuddle me"**

"Everything okay?"

**"Yeah, is now."**

“Which spoon? What was it that happened?”

**“Small. I don’t know, he? Ze? Remus, you awake?”**

_“…”_

**“I dunno, he/ze freaked out about something, and kept saying stuff like he/ze shouldn’t have continued talking to me, or something, and kept saying that he/ze’s bad for me, and it would be dangerous? So, I said that if he/ze really wanted to, then we’ll stop talking”**

“Mm, what is it that he/ze’s hiding? Do you know?”

**“No, but sometimes I feel like he/ze thinks I'm a muggle and almost accidentally slipped up. I swear, that day he/ze said ‘Merl-Geez’ like, he/ze wanted to say ‘Merlin’ instead?”**

“Wow, can you imagine though, if he/ze were magic… Wouldn’t he/ze have gone to Hogwarts though?”

**“He/ze said something about being home-schooled because of the medical condition?”**

“Ohh, that sucks though. I don’t think I’ve heard of a Remus before. Although… Hey, what’s his/zirs surname?”

**“Lupin?”**

“There’s a Lyall Lupin in the Ministry, we pass him our more complex Beast Division cases”

**“Do you think Remus could be Lyall’s kid?”**

“I don’t know… somehow the name Lupin reminds me of some news story when we were like 5 or 6? Something about someone breaking into a house, some girl being attacked?”

**“I dunno, Prongsie… I kinda don’t want to guess. I told him/zir that I’d let him/zir tell me in his/zirs own time…”**

“Oh wow, Padfoot actually being patient and waiting for something!! Thank Merlin, the day has finally come”

**“Awh, shut up, I’ll kick you out of my bed!”**

“You wouldn’t. You love me.”

**“Yeah, and you know it, you prat”**

“Goodnight, love”

**“Night”**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels shorter than usual, for some reason oops
> 
> (asdfgh I feel so bad about the sentence "Something about someone breaking into a house, some girl being attacked", it's like I'm misgendering Remus behind his/zirs back, sorry love)
> 
> Not too happy with this chapter tbh, tell me what you think!
> 
> [EDIT: if this hasn't been updated for more than 4 days, spam me in the comments, BC I'm a terrible fic writer and I forget to update sometimes]
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_


	9. Of More Pronouns and Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for all the angst, I can't write fluff, apparently

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for dysphoria (lots of it, pls forgive me), past acephobia, internalised acephobia, low self-esteem, internalised transphobia (implied) and intrusive/ negative thoughts (implied)
> 
> Please tell me if I've missed any out, or handled anything insensitively!
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

**Hey hey good morning**

 

_Morning_

**Ooh you're up early**

_I've got class at 10_

**I'm hungry again, cereal?**

_Mmm sugared cornflakes with youghurt and honey_

_Actually no, those granola cornflakes things_

**Ooh nice**

**Okay**

_I'm having yesterday's dinner, didn't eat much yesterday_

**I**

**I'm sorry (?)**

**Maybe I shouldn't have**

**I don't know, it felt a lot like I was giving you an ultimatum and it felt very manipulate-y**

_I don't feel that way? I don't know, I think it's okay_

**Okay**

 

_Are we, are we okay?_

**Yeah**

 

**Hey, Moony**

**I have a question**

_Yeah?_

**I know that you use both he/him and ze/zir pronouns, but which are the ones you prefer more?**

**No wait**

**I mean like**

**That came out wrong, I know you identify as one or the other, at different times, and I'm not saying you are more of**

**Okay**

**If I were to hypothetically talk (aka gush and swoon) about you to people, is there a pronoun that you'd prefer more?**

**I know it differs from day to day (?) But**

**Idk how to ask this, is this even making sense?**

_Kinda?_

_Okay so_

_It’s different for different people but_

_For me I usually feel like ze/zir most of the time, and only at certain times I feel very he/him. And it's not day to day for me, (again, it differs for everyone but)for me I usually have like a ze/zir week-ish, then a few days of either pronoun being fine, and then like one day of he/him really intensely. And on those days ze/zir feels really wrong_

_Idk, idk how to explain this_

_It just is, you know?_

**Yeah**

_But when I can't hear you, I think any pronouns other than she/her are fine tbh_

**Okay**

**Thanks**

**It just feels like I'm misgendering you behind your back, idk**

_Ze/zir then, unless you know it's a he/him day_

**Okay**

**Sorry, it's just that James and I were talking about you last night, nothing bad, just like being excited about things and I realise I didn't know which pronouns to use, so we kept saying he/ze and him/zir, which is fine**

**But**

_Yeah,_

_It's okay_

_I get what you're trying to say_

_And thank you, for respecting my pronouns_

_Gossiping about me huh ;)_

**Of course, Moony**

**To both**

 

 

 

 

 

_Hey, so_

_Yesterday you said you wanted to meet_

_Do you_

_Do you still want to?_

 

**Yes, definitely**

**Only if you want to too**

_I do_

_Where? And when?_

**I don't mind going to Wales**

_Seems a bit far for you though, aren't you in London?_

**Not quite, we're in Croydon, London's a little too busy for our liking**

_It's a four-hour train ride..._

**Transport's not an issue tbh, Moony**

**I have my ways**

 

**Moons?**

 

_What, are you gonna drive here on the motorbike you built?_

_Please don't, I don't want you to die on the way here_

_I'm in class, but I already kinda know what they're teaching, so I'm only pretending to pay attention, sflr_

**No, no, just, transport is not an issue, really**

**Sflr??**

 

_Sorry for late reply_

**No, it’s okay**

 

**Ohhh**

**Oh that’s what sflr means okay oops**

 

_Ohmygod you’re the best. I can't believe you don’t know what sflr means_

**Hey, shh, I had a deprived childhood okay**

_Mm, no kidding_

 

 

_We can meet in the middle? 2 hr train ride each?_

**Sure, okay**

 

 _Swindon_?

**How do you know that, that was fast**

_I googled?_

**Oh right**

**I thought you memorised the map of the UK or sth**

_Omg ridiculous in the best way_

**Thanks**

 

_I don’t know any places to eat or go in Swindon though_

**I'm looking at the google map thing, how bout Bristol?**

**Ohh! My cousin has a restaurant near Bristol!**

**I think**

 

_Ohh, Andi, was it?_

**Yeah**

**You okay with Korean food?**

**After she got disowned and disinherited she set up this Korean food restaurant, and at first I thought she did it just to annoy our (ex-)family, since they’re mostly half- or quarter-Korean but don’t like to acknowledge it**

**But it’s amazing**

**She mixes traditional Korean food with sort of modern elements, and it’s really cool**

 

_Ooh, sure, I don’t mind_

_Do you wanna walk around for a bit first?_

**Sure sure**

**Haven’t seen her for a while, every time I see her, she likes to scold me for not coming to see her earlier**

**I love her**

**She and my uncle, Alphard are the only two with actual sound morals and values from that family**

_I’m still so so glad you got out_

**Yeah**

 

**Typing…**

 

**When?**

**When do you wanna meet?**

 

_Is this weekend too soon?_

_Idk, part of me wants to meet you already, but another part is terrified_

**Same**

**This weekend then? I can take Saturday off from work**

**Saturday?**

_Saturday_

_Ohmygod that’s 3 days from now omg_

_That’s tomorrow’s tomorrow’s tomorrow_

**Is it too soon?**

_I think it’s okay_

_Omg I'm excitessss_

**Me toooo asdgfad I’m gonna meet Moony !!!!**

**Give me a minute I wanna tell James**

**REMUS I’M SO EXCITED, AM I GOING TO BE A BROTHER IN LAW**

**I DON’T HAVE TO GIVE YOU THE TALK, DO I?**

**THE IF YOU HURT MY BBY YOU’RE DEAD TALK**

**Oh god I’m so sorry, but that’s James for you.**

**That’s from the guy who spent 6 years of his life being all “PADFOOT SHE LOOOKED IN MY DIRECTION SHE’S IN LOVE WITH ME. WHAT COLOUR SCHEME SHOULD OUR WEDDING BE”**

**So forgive him for his dramatic flair, will you**

**He still hasn’t got the hang of small caps and the fact that if you press the caps button twice, it makes it large caps**

_Ohmygod I leave my phone for 5 minutes and this happens_

_You guys are precious_

**< 3**

_I’m freeeee_

_What should I have for lunch?_

_I’m guessing you’re at work?_

_What days do you work, btw?_

 

**Yes yes I was at work**

**I'm on rotation so the days aren't set but I get 2 days off each week**

**I applied for Saturday off!!**

_Ohmygod yes_

_We're meeting_

_Omg_

**Do you feel this anxious excitement too?**

_Yess omg it's like I'm looking forward to it, but there's the feeling of dread, idk where it's from_

**Sameee**

**My boss asked me why I specifically chose Saturday, since usually I have no preference, and he was like "you got a hot date huh?"**

**And I said not quite, I'm meeting a hot person, but it's not a date ;)**

 

_Typing…_

 

_You_

_You genuinely think I'm hot???_

**Yes**

**Is it okay?**

_I thought_

**You are an attractive person moony**

_Agree to disagree_

 

 

_Typing..._

 

_Typing..._

_[Remus Moony Lupin <3 has gone offline]_

 

**Moons?**

**What's wrong?**

 

_Is it because of me?_

**?**

_You find me attractive, sure, but you're not attracted to me_

_Why?_

 

**Wow**

 

**I thought you were different Remus**

**You said it was okay that I don't know yet whether I like you romantically**

**I thought you'd be respectful of my sexuality lol**

 

_Wait_

**For what**

_Wait, Sirius_

_I think we're talking about two different things_

_??_

 

**What is it that you mean**

_You find me attractive, but you aren't attracted to me. Is it my fault?_

_Like_

**I'm not attracted to you because it takes me a while to be attracted to people**

**I thought you knew what demisexual, grey-ace meant.**

**And here I was, thinking you weren't going to be that person that leaves because I am not romantically or sexually attracted to them so surely I don't love them enough or whatever**

_No, Sirius_

_Pads,_

 

_Sorry, I'm sorry_

_I shouldn't assume_

 

**Damn right you shouldn't**

 

 

 

 

**Wait hold on,**

**If we're talking about two diff things, what was it you meant?**

_Nevermind not important_

 

_I'm sorry_

_✔_ Message Read

 

 

 

 

 

**Typing...**

 

**Typing...**

 

_I'm sorry_

**What is it that you're apologising for?**

_I don't know_

 

_Sorry, I'm just tired, it was a long day_

 

**Moons, talk to me?**

_There's nothing to talk about_

_There's just me not being enough_

_That's all there has ever been lol_

 

**What, Remus??**

**What are you even talking about??**

 

_Typing..._

_Typing..._

 

 

**Remus what is going on???**

_Nothing sorry_

**Please don't**

**Don't do that**

 

 

 

**Can I call you?**

_[incoming call from Remus Moony Lupin <3]_

**"Moony, ..."**

_"..."_

**"What did you mean by-"**

_"Me, Sirius. My body. You're not attracted to women."_

**"Yeah... So?"**

_"I - sorry, okay never mind. Just. Sorry"_

**"Moony, you know it's not because of you that I ... I - okay. Okay. I don't have to explain to you what demisexuality or asexuality is-"**

_"No, no, M-god, it's not that Padfoot, I promise, it's just my brain hearing things that aren't said, twisting words into things that aren't there, you know? I'm completely okay with you being demiromantic and grey ace. I really really don't mind."_

**"... Okay… So, what was it about?"**

_"I ... Can we not? Please, Sirius, I don't- I don't want to talk about this... You know how dysphoria works."_

**"Was it… was it something I said?"**

_"…N- … mmm, yeah. I'm fairly certain you didn't mean it that way. Sorry. I'm reading into things that aren't true. I mean, logically, I know that, but there's still that niggling hint of doubt, you know?"_

**"What was it that I said?"**

_"...You're not attracted to women. I asked you 'female-presenting or female-bodied?' and you said 'both, either'."_

**"Ohhh, no, Moony Moons, you know I didn't-"**

_"Yeah I know, I fucking know, and that's the frustrating part, it's that logically, intellectually, I know this. I know you don't see me as - as a woman, but there's still this part of me that's like 'but are you sure though????' and, it's so easy to believe what your thoughts tell you"_

**"Hashtag no lies"**

_"Ohmygod, ridiculous in the best way possible"_

**"Well, true. But, you were saying?"**

_"I just, I'm so fucking tired of fighting with my mind or my brain or wherever these thoughts come from and it's so much easier to just believe them. I just. I don't know, I'm sorry"_

**"Do you need to hear me say it? Because usually - all the time, actually - I hate the 'non gender normative person needs a cis het to validate them before they feel valid' narrative. But, well, I'm neither of thos-"**

_"I know. I know that when you look at me you wouldn't see a woman. You'd see a dude with curly hair, freckles and scars. I know that. And I know that you not being attracted to me yet - is it yet??"_

**"Yet"**

_"Is not because I was born female, or because I have a vagina and I still have breasts."_

**"Yes but Moony Moons, knowing and believing are two different things"**

_"Aaaandd there it is."_

**"The thing is, you know that if it were someone else, you wouldn't be thinking like this"**

_"Yeah…"_

**"You don’t see me as a man"**

_"Yeah, of course. Well, unless that's what you want…"_

**"Hah, nope, definitely not."**

_"Yeah, exactly."_

**"Female bodied only means female bodied if you identify as female. At least that's how I define it... Okay maybe I should rephrase? I'm attracted to men, and nonbinary, androgynous, or genderqueer people. I'm not attracted to women, as in people who identify and present as women. And you're neither of those"**

_"Yeah. Yeah, okay"_

**"Is it?"**

_"Yes, kinda. I'm sorry I get like this sometimes"_

**"Nuh uh, rule number one, remember"**

_"But it isn't not my fault though"_

**"No, shhhh"**

_"Ahah, okay okay"_

 

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"Hey hey, I think I have a new job?"**

_"Ooh, wow!"_

**"I'm resigning from the mechanics shop next week, and I think I've more or less secured a job at this shop that like sells prank items, and stuff. I think I can work my way up to being the one who designs the products? In terms of mechanical parts?? I dunno, we'll see"**

_"I'm proud of you!!"_

**"Aww, thanks Moons"**

_"Pads, Padfoot, Saturday!!!"_

**"Oh, yes, right, of course. Like I wasn’t thinking about it _all_ day long"**

_"Ahah… How was your day?"_

**"I think today was a good day. Your texts kept me excited. I'm smiling a lot"**

_"Awww, cute"_

"PADFOOT, DINNER!"

**"YEAH, COMING, PRONGSIE! AND DON’T SHOUT FROM THE OTHER ROOM!! - Remus? Why are you laughing?? Ohmygod shhhh, meanie, laughing at me"**

_"Haha, oh my gosh you guys are great. Go have dinner. Talk to you later"_

**"Yes mum"**

_"Aw hey, I'm not the one who cooks you dinner!"_

**"He didn’t cook it, he just reheated his leftovers from lunch. I'm the cook in this household!"**

_"Mhm, sureeee"_

**"Hey! I'll cook for you someday, then you'll see"**

_"Will I die of food poisonin- okay, okay I can hear you pouting. I'm kidding Pads"_

"PADSSS QUIT TALKING TO YOUR NEW SPOUSE, I'M WAITING!"

**"Okay, I'm going, byeeee"**

_"Bye, enjoy your dinner!"_

 

 

_Hey, it's late so I'm going to sleep_

_Goodnight Pads_

 

 

 

**Night Moony**

**Sorry, James and I were playing some card game**

_Gn <3_

 

 

✔ Message read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sirius can Apparate, obviously, so that’s why "transport is not an issue")  
> (Sirius' possible new job is at Gambol and Japes, in Diagon Alley")
> 
> Thank you for all your support <3  
> Please tell me what you think (bc I'm insecure af)!


	10. Of Smiley Smiles, and Unattempted Cooking Attempts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and (vague, unnoticeable) foreshadowinggg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for implied anxiety and implied past acephobia  
> Let me know if I've missed anything out or handled anything insensitively!
> 
> I'm sorry for the long gap between updates, I got a (part-time) job!! 
> 
> Also, I'm aware that unattempted is not a real word  
> Also also, I've only proof-read this chapter once, feel free to tell me about any mistakes or typos!
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

_Padfoot, two more days!_

**Good morning to you too**

 

**Heyy Moony Moons**

 

_Asdsfga I shouldn't tell you how much that makes me smile_

**Aww**

_Shhh okay, what should I eat for breakfast?_

**Eat cereal with me**

_Which?_

_I've only got cornflakes and sugared cornflakes_

_Are they called sugar cornflakes?? Or is it something fancy, like crystallised cornflakes? Caramelised cornfalkes??_

**Omg Moony, surely you can check the box?**

_We put them in jars once we open them_

**Ohh right**

_Wait so you leave your cereals in boxes, don't they go stale??_

**Nah**

 

_Right, okay_

_No elaboration?_

**Nope**

_Ergh okay oh well_

_How was your day?_

_The day barely even started yet, idk why I asked that_

_Remus Lupin failing at making awkward conversation 2.0_

**Haha**

**I am excited**

**2 more days, Moony!!**

**Then I get to see you**

**And be with you**

**And physically around you**

**I'm so smiley just thinking about it**

_Awww_

_< 3_

_Is it bad that I'm more nervous than excited?_

_And I'm VERY excited_

**What are you nervous about?**

_Messing up?_

_Spoiling the mood_

_Saying the wrong thing_

_I'm not the best at like social cues_

_And I'm an awkward human bean pads_

**We'll be okay, we will**

**You forget you'll have the most amazing and least awkward human being with you**

**(yours truly)**

_Oh, right yes how silly of me how could I have forgot_

**No but seriously,**

_SIRIUSly_

**How original**

**No wait shh, Siriusly, if there are awkward moments or you think you've spoiled the mood or whatever, it's chill. We're us, we'll be fine Moons**

_Okay_

_Thank you_

_Idk I can't help but think of all the things that could go wrong? Like what if something comes up, or idk the weather is bad or the trains don't run_

**If something comes up and one of us can't make it, then we plan for another day**

**If the weather is bad, we can do indoor things, if the trains don’t run, there are those buses and cars and things**

_Okay_

_Yes, okay_

_Sorry, I can’t help the way I think, you know?_

**Yeah, I do**

**It’s okay**

**What are your plans for today?**

_Sleeeeppppp_

_I'm sleepy_

**It’s 11 am!**

_I slept late last night, I was working on an essay_

_You slept even later!_

**Ooh, what about?**

_How psych theories can be applied in daily life_

_It’s actually due in 3 weeks’ time_

_But I know if I don’t start now, I’ll leave it till the last minute_

_And the due date is_

_Not a good day for me_

**Ohh Hardworking Moony**

_Mhmm sure_

_More like Has Learnt Zirs Lesson The Hard Way Moony_

**Mm same difference**

_Feels Like Baking Today Moony_

**You should!**

_Or should I make lunch?_

_I’m craving more savoury stuff than sweets now_

**Cook with me**

_What are you making?_

_I don’t actually know how to cook without instruction_

**I’ll instruct you**

_Okie what are we making?_

**Ratatouille?**

_Oh_

_Wow_

_How fancy_

_Why am I surprised_

**Because you know I'm fancy like that ;)**

_I_

_Should create a drinking game_

_Take a shot every time Sirius unintentionally/ unknowingly makes Remus Lupin flustered by the siMPLEST THINGS ASDJDFAHS_

_Every_

_Single_

_Time_

_You send a winky face, I get unnecessarily flustered_

**Point for Padfoot**

**What can I say, it’s a natural talent**

_You can make me less blushy and flustered by moving on to tell me what I need for the ratatioule thing_

_What even is that_

**It’s a dish**

_Thanks_

**With pleasure**

**Nah, it’s the only dish I can remember all the ingredients and steps to**

**I learnt it to prove a point to Prongsie that I could cook, the proper way**

_Amazing_

**Is how it’s going to taste**

_Call me?_

**“Moooonnnyyyy”**

_“Who? Sorry, wrong number”_

**“Oh, sorr- wait. Remus-!”**

_“Hahahah hah hah ohmygod Padfoot!!”_

**“You said I got the wrong number! I thought I did get the wrong number!”**

_“How could you possibly get the wrong number if you click the call button right beside my name??”_

**“Oh. Ohhhh, I didn’t know that. I usually type your name in the calling button”**

_“Oh my god. You’re precious. How cutee”_

**“Mhmm, of course”**

_“Ingredients?”_

**“To-”**

_“I feel like I should tell you I'm still in bed”_

**“I thought you already got up? You had breakfast and all?”**

_“Yeah, but I went back to bed. I'm a lazy arse”_

**“Get out of bed, Moony!! The only reason you should remain in bed is if I'm in it with you- no wait. I- that wasn’t an innuendo, I just mean-”**

_“Hahah, it’s okay Pads, non-sexual bed sharing is as appealing to me as it is to you”_

**“Hashtag asexual problems, making innuendos you don’t mean. And when you do make innuendos, people don’t believe you because they assume you don’t realise”**

_“Mm true. I can’t relate, but true”_

**“Get out of bed!”**

_“Mmpfh, it’s so cozy here though”_

**“I’d lie there with you, right next to you, but not touching, unless neither of us minds”**

_“Mm, I’d ask you if you’re okay with it, and if you were, I’d shimmy towards you so that our arms are touching”_

**“We’d just lie there. I’d nudge you until you looked at me and then lace our fingers together”**

_“Mm”_

**“Do you have class today?”**

_“Mm, nope”_

**“Then we’d lie there all day. Do- Um. Do you think-”**

_“Mhmm?”_

**“Is – is that enough, for you? If all we ever do in bed is lie together”**

_“Mhmm, of course. I’d ask you if I could put my arms around you, or kiss you- on the cheek or forehead, and if you say no, I’ll just lie there, happy about the fact that you’re right there, physically next to me”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“… Ahem. Yes. Thank you. I- Thank you”**

_“Shh, s’okay”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“You’re asleep, aren’t you?”**

_“…”_

**“Aww”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“Mmpfh”_

**“Hey, Moons?”**

_“Oh, ohmygosh. Did I fall asleep?”_

**“Yeah, very cutely, might I add”**

_“Hah. How exactly does one fall asleep cutely?”_

**“In a very Remus Lupin way”**

_“!! Another point to Padfoot”_

**“Cheers”**

_“Have you eaten?”_

**“Nope, you hungry?”**

_“Yeah. Oh wow, it’s almost 1”_

**“Are you out of bed yet?”**

_“Yeah yeah, I’m getting out”_

**“Mkay I’ll get the stuff”**

_“Are we still cooking?”_

**“Yeah, unless you don’t want to”**

_“No, I don’t mind... Okay, I’m in the kitchen”_

**“Do you have tomatoes?”**

_“Yep”_

**“Courgette?”**

_“Err... I don’t know, I don’t think so”_

**“Baby aubergines?”**

_“Mmm, looking… looking… nope. Must they be babies?”_

**“Do you have regular aubergines?”**

_“Ooh, yes! We have one- oh eww, it’s all smashed and rotten. Okay nope, no aubergines”_

**“Do you have any tomato or marinara souce?”**

_“Mm nope, but I do have tomatoes?”_

**“Hmm, olive oil, sea salt, black pepper, basil?”**

_“I have all except sea salt. We just have regular salt”_

**“Ah, well.”**

_“To be fair, this was a very spontaneous attempt at cooking something fancy”_

**“Wink”**

_“Hey!”_

**“What were you planning on making if not for the ratatouille?”**

_“A sandwich or something?”_

**“Ooh, okay, sandwiches then”**

_“Mkay… Bread, where’s the bread? Oh, there!”_

**“…”**

_“You’re quiet…?”_

**“I’m quietly making a sandwich. Not on purpose, I just happen to be quiet”**

_“Not making a sandwich exactly on purpose either. You could make yourself a ratatouille if you want, I don’t mind”_

**“Hmm, nah. I’ll save that for us”**

_“Aww”_

**“How’s your sandwich coming along?”**

_“Cutting the bread…”_

**“You don’t have pre-cut bread?”**

_“Nope, mum makes them herself”_

**“Oh wow, that’s really cool… Somehow I feel like your mum and Mrs. P would get along really well”**

_“Hmm, yeah. Now that I think about it... They could be mummy buddies or something”_

**“Haha, I love the tone you said that in”**

_“What, mummy buddies?”_

**“Yeah”**

_“Okay, bread’s done. What are you putting in your sandwich?”_

**“Cheese, ham, lettuce, pepper and mustard”**

_“That’s. An interesting combination?”_

**“It tastes good! What’s in yours?”**

_“Tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, chicken slices, which I need to heat up first, cucumber, and more cheese. Maybe powdered cheese too. Oh, and potato crisps”_

**“Okay fair, that’s slightly more conventional than mine. AKA boring”**

_“Hey!”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“… Mm, this is good”**

_“Mhmm, yeah”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“It’s almost 2, I need to get to work soon”**

_“Awh, okay”_

**“…”**

_“What time does your shift end?”_

**“Ten. I’m covering for someone else as well”**

_“Awwh, that’s so far awayyy”_

**“Miss me already, Moony Moons?”**

_“Yes.”_

**“I’ll text you on break, or if we’re too busy I’ll text you when I get back?”**

_“Yeah, yes please”_

**“Okay, bye Moonyy”**

_“Byee”_

**Heyy**

**Are you awake**

**Or have you succumbed to the temptations of sleep**

**It’s not even that late yet, it’s only eleven**

_M’awake_

**Sorry I couldn’t text on break, we were swamped and I was the only bike mechanic available today**

_S’okay_

**How was the rest of your day?**

_Okay_

_Not bad, I worked on that essay, and some other assignments_

_I think today was a good day_

**Same**

**Few more hours to tomorrow**

**Then we’re meeting the next day!!**

**Omg Moony**

**!!!**

**I can’t wait**

_Yesss_

_Same_

_!!_

_Sorry I don’t sound as enthusiastic, I’m really sleepy_

_I’m very excited, I promise_

**Should we be worried about how sleepy you are all the time?**

_Hmm nah_

**Okay okay, I can tell you’re sleepy**

**Goodnight?**

_Goodnight_

_Thank you for today, Pads_

_< 3_

**< 3**

✔ Message read

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sirius uses magic to keep their cereal fresh, but Remus doesn’t, since Mrs. Lupin is the one who keeps the cereal in the Lupin household)  
> (Remus' essay is due the day after the coming full moon, so ze tries to finish all zirs work before the week of the full moon)
> 
> Sirius plays these songs while Remus was asleep:  
> Embrace of Silence by Yiruma  
> Kiss the Rain by Yiruma  
> Please Don't Say you Love Me (Piano Version) by Gabrielle Aplin
> 
> Once again, I'm sorry for the long wait, and apologies if this chapter was a little OOC or not up to par with the rest.
> 
> Send me comments, I live for them!
> 
> <3


	11. Of Uncertain Emotions, Reassuring Reassurances and Eager Anticipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has bad news, Remus has strawberries, and a blush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aayyy finnaly an update, 11 months late lmao  
> School, life, and lack of motivation/ will to do things got in the way, but here it is - shorter than usual, but it'll do 
> 
> Warnings for minor character death (mentioned). Tell me if I've missed something out or was insensitive
> 
>  _Remus is italics_  
>  **Sirius is bold**  
>  James is none  
> Peter is underlined  
>  ** _Mrs. Lupin is bold, underline, and italics_**  
>  _Mr. Lupin is underline, italics_

_Morning_

_Or well, afternoon_

**Hey moons**

**Cant text nw**

**Will tell u ltr**

_Okay_

_No worries_

**Hey**

**Sorry**

_Heyy, are you okay?_

**Yes**

**Mostly**

**I think so ??**

_What happened?_

**My uncle died**

_Oh god, I'm so sorry_

**Issokay**

_How are you?_

**I**

**I don’t know how to feel**

**What to feel**

_That’s okay_

_Talk to me?_

_If you want/need to, I mean_

**We weren’t very close, but he’s the only one that supported me after I left**

**Well, the only one other than my cousin Andi**

**I think I told you about him before? Uncle Alphard?**

_Oh, yes_

**And**

**M**

**My gosh**

**Moony**

**He left me everything**

**In his will**

**He gave me everything that’s his**

**I'm still shocked**

_Ooh, isn’t that good ?_

_I mean, that he left stuff to you, not that you’re shocked_

**Yeah**

**Tbh his death wasn’t much of a surprise, really**

**He had been sick, on and off for the past few years**

**But I just**

**Apart from Andi, he was the only decent one in that family**

**And know he’s gone**

_Did he have children?_

**Nope**

_I’m really really sorry, are you okay?_

**Yeah**

**Mostly**

**I just haven’t fully processed it yet**

**Can we talk about sth else?**

_Okay_

_I'm here if / when you wanna talk about it_

_And even if you don't, I'm still here_

_Umm... Trying to think of things to talk about_

**How was your day?**

**Sorry I couldn’t text, by the way**

**I was with his lawyers and stuff the whole day and they don’t have good phone signal in their office**

_That’s okay_

_My day was fine_

_Slightly worried about you_

_Excited about tomorrow_

_Are we still meeting up tomorrow?_

_It’s okay if you want to postpone_

**Nah, it’s fine**

**I think I'm okay, mostly**

**What time?**

**Or have we already settled on a time?**

**I forgot**

_We’re meeting at Bristol right?_

**Yeah**

**But like I said, I don’t mind going to Wales**

_It’s a 4 hour train ride!!_

**Yeah, yeah okay**

**So Bristol?**

_2 pm?_

**Okay, can do**

_Yay_

_Excited_

**Same**

_Slightly nervous_

**We’ll be okay**

**We will**

_Yes_

_I just, I don’t want to ruin or spoil what we have?_

**I don’t think that’s possible tho, moony**

_You genuinely believe that?_

**Yeah**

_Okay_

_Then I’ll try too_

**I mean sure, there may be not-nice moments, we could accidentally offend one another, or misunderstand, misinterpret, that sort of thing, but those are just moments, you know?**

**Moments pass**

_Okay_

_We’ll be okay_

_I guess??_

**Aww moony!**

**Come on, say that with a little more conviction!**

_We’ll be okay!_

**Yes nice**

**What should I have for dinner?**

**Do you wanna cook together?**

_Aww I've already eaten_

_You can still call, I don’t mind listening while you cook_

**“Moons?”**

_“Here, hi”_

**“Hellllooooo”**

_“Mm, I’m smiling already”_

**“Good”**

_“What are you making?”_

**“Pasta, either with cheese or tomato, I haven’t decided yet”**

_“Both”_

**“Mm of course”**

_“There’s no other acceptable option”_

**“Mhnm, hold on, I need to go boil water”**

_“Holding on”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“I’m back”**

_“That was fast”_

**“Mmm… how was your day? … Oh, I’ve already asked you that haven’t I? Sorry moons, it’s late, s’been a long day”**

_“Mmph, is okay”_

**“Are you eating something?”**

_“Mhm, yes”_

**“Dying of suspense here”**

_“What? Oh, I'm eating strawberries”_

**“Healthy”**

_“Yess, I do my best”_

**“Oh, I'm sure”**

_“Hey! Much sarcasm!”_

**“Mmm”**

_“What’re you smiling about?”_

**“Wh- How’d you know?”**

_“Magic… Wink emoji”_

**“You say emojis out loud!! And you give me crap for saying B T W! How dareeee- Are you giggling??”**

_“Yes, shhhh. I can hear when you’re smiling, I think”_

**“Oh aww”**

_“Mm… Hey pads, I have something really important to tell you”_

**“Yeah”**

_“I think your pot’s boiling over”_

**“Oh shit. Blimey – shitty shit… Okay it's fine, everything’s fine. You’re still giggling, how dare”**

_“Mhm, you like it”_

**“Yeah, I do”**

_“Mmm”_

**“What are you doing?”**

_“Lying in bed”_

**“No more strawberries?”**

_“Nope, they’re all gone, in my stomach now, you?”_

**“Draining the pasta… Getting the cheese and tomato sauce”**

_“Mmmh”_

**“You’re sleepyyyyy, go to sleep moony moons”**

_“I feel warm”_

**“Are you using heating?”**

_“No, I mean, I feel warm inside… the nice kind, I'm all fuzzy and smiley and sleepy and I'm ramble-y”_

**“Oh, Mer-Ohmy, you’re very cute you know”**

_“Hmph, no you, you’re cute”_

**“Ah well, alas, this is the cross I have to bear”**

_“…”_

**“Are you asleep?”**

_“…”_

**“See you tomorrow, moony”**

_“…Mm, yes”_

**“Goodnight, Remus”**

**Didn’t know if you wanted me to stay on the line, but I hanged up bc I'm gonna play the piano**

**Don’t wanna wake you**

**Looking forward to seeing you tmr**

**That sounds so formal**

**But I am, I’m v excited, I hope we have a nice time**

**I wanna see you and your lovely face, and we can coexist in the same physical space**

**Okkay gonna sleep now, I'm not making much sense anymore**

**Also, I hope your phone is on silent mode oops**

**< 3**

_< 3_

✔ Message read

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reassure an insecure fic writer that their work isn't complete shit, will you?
> 
> Also, tell me if the writing feels a little off or different from previous chapters - my writing style and headspace is different from last year, and while re-reading, I found so many things I would have phrased differently (maybe I'll go back and change them, maybe not)
> 
> Thank you for your continued support, and all the kudos and lovely comments I haven't got around to answering <3
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](https://eemahnn.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr in the hopes of encouraging me to update: [here](https://eemahnn.tumblr.com)


End file.
